I’ve always been afraid to talk about my suicidle thoughts that haunted me for years and years back,afraid of considered a crazy pothetic person with no beliefes and courage.
My parents were divorced when I was only 7 years old,it was hurrable and i was forced not to see her or even mention her name or say”mamy”for example,it’s all because of my dad,I had no relatives,my sister and brothers were all I have,could’t communicate with anyone in a normal way..still I am that way..
I got married to a sick man and had 2 wounderfull boys and after 7 years of merrage i am fighting for divorce now and haven’t saw my kids faces for more that two years,their father was so abusive I couldn’t bare,but when i chose to live the life i wanted and to be fre,everyone stod against me,as if it is a crime to think about my self and live reliefed and happy for once in my life..
I TRIED SUICIDE ONCE..asprine..all kind of pills ..but i was rescued at the last minute,I blame my father for all of what he has done to my life,untill now he is selfish ,he got married and doesn’t even feel guilty.
relationships are not working ..I loved a man and he couldn’t bare my misarable life that surely affects my personality ,I am always in a bad mood,but deep inside i want to be happy,but no luck reaching it.
I am so down ,I always think of dieing or going away to a place where no one can find me..
I run from all of that to m work,but yet there is no appreciation and my efforts are taken for granted,for me life SUCKS,i always try but at the end i am alone,depressed,stresed and mentaly unconsious to life.
can anyone tell me what is the problem ? why am i facing this when i didn’t hurt a single person my whole life,i feel that people are taking kindnes as weekness? at least here in my culture..
( need help to sort up my mind ASAP,a pat of me says I don’t want to die,but from all the people i met in my life they say that i am wrong,i am the one who interprets everything in a negative way and always pesimistic..so please some one tell me ..cause i can’t handle it anymore..
2 comments
Every one is dealt a hand of cards from birth. Sounds like you got pretty shitty ones. But you try to be nice and happy but people are mean in this world… brutally mean! What you needa do is bluff. Pretend your horrible hand of cards is a royal flush.. take life by the horns and do what you can. You don’t WANT to do you just can’t find a way to be happy (thats what I’m ASSUMING) I don’t know you or your life. Do more kind things don’t let other people Beat you down and make you sad. Stay Strong please!!! (: <3 With all of my hearts concern, compassion and love. -Jess D.
and anywone who stood against you for getting out of that marriage with an abusive man is a dumbass. i was in a abusive relatiohship and know its nice to be out of it. as for relatiohships in general, there is someone for you. it just takes a little time. and id advice finding a close friend and making an appointment to get therapy. it will help. i promise you. dong give up! good luck!