Need help

  July 6th, 2009 by maya

I’ve always been afraid to talk about my suicidle thoughts that haunted me for years and years back,afraid of considered a crazy pothetic person with no beliefes and courage.

My parents were divorced when I was only 7 years old,it was hurrable and i was forced not to see her or even mention her name or say”mamy”for example,it’s all because of my dad,I had no relatives,my sister and brothers were all I have,could’t communicate with anyone in a normal way..still I am that way..

I got married to a sick man and had 2 wounderfull boys and after 7 years of merrage i am fighting for divorce now and haven’t saw my kids faces for more that two  years,their father was so abusive I couldn’t bare,but when i chose to live the life i wanted and to be fre,everyone stod against me,as if it is a crime to think about my self and live reliefed and happy for once in my life..

I TRIED SUICIDE ONCE..asprine..all kind of pills ..but i was rescued at the last minute,I blame my father for all of what he has done to my life,untill now he is selfish ,he got married and doesn’t even feel guilty.

relationships are not working ..I loved a man and he couldn’t bare my misarable life that surely affects my personality ,I am always in a bad mood,but deep inside i want to be happy,but no luck reaching it.

I am so down ,I always think of dieing or going away to a place where no one can find me..

I run from all of that to m work,but yet there is no appreciation and my efforts are taken for granted,for me life SUCKS,i always try but at the end i am alone,depressed,stresed and mentaly unconsious to life.

can anyone tell me what is the problem ? why am i facing this when i didn’t hurt a single person my whole life,i feel that people are taking kindnes as weekness? at least here in my culture..

( need help to sort up my mind ASAP,a pat of me says I don’t want to die,but from all the people i met in my life they say that i am wrong,i am the one who interprets everything in a negative way and always please some one tell me ..cause i can’t handle it anymore..

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