The most hated person ever….

Dear Friend:

You’re not a chicken or a coward. You are responding to a deep and caring part of yourself that is trying to keep you alive. You can respect that part of yourself.

I would suggest listening to the part of yourself that suggests that you get help. It is a wise adviser. And if the first person you ask for help can’t help, try a second one, until you find someone who can help.

I would guess that you are a young person, maybe a teenager? I thought everyone hated me, too, at that age.

It turned out, when I changed schools, that there were actually people in my new school who did like me.

Consider changing schools if you can.

Also, remember that this is the most difficult age — after you turn 18 and go out more in the world, you will have a wider choice of friends. Junior high school and high school can be suffocating with their cliques.

Try to prepare for the world you will enter at age 18 — make what friends you can, study, and plan for that future.

Many bright, sensitive people have much better lives after high school.

Consider being kind to yourself — I would suggest that you think positive things about yourself, and perhaps not call yourself names any more, like “retard” — you are actually quite intelligent.

Why not keep a journal? That is a non-judgmental “friend” to talk to.

Have faith in yourself and belief in your dreams. The person you will be in five years needs you to stay alive, so you can enjoy the rest of your life.

Cordially,
Struggling to Survive (been there)

Dear Kayceekitten:

I understand — just keep the religious school in mind as a “back up” in case your current school situation doesn’t improve — it’s always good to have a Plan B!

And with regard to a journal — that was very insensitive behavior by your parents. They have no business going through your things! And they have no business joking about your depression or suicidal thoughts.

Many people who have never been depressed or suicidal, or who don’t deal well with their own negative feelings, react by laughing at or criticizing other people who are more open.

Give yourself the kind treatment and support you don’t get from your parents. When you reach age 18, you can always spend less time with them, if they remain this negative.

Consider keeping a journal this way — getting a blank notebook, putting the words “Math Homework” on the cover page, and filling the first 10 pages with math problems and answers. Then leave a few blank pages, so it will look like you abandoned the notebook.

After the blank pages, start your real journal writing.

Make sure it is a school book type notebook that looks boring.

Then hide it in a drawer or closet. If anyone finds it, they will be like, “Ick! math problems!”

And please, you don’t have to apologize for “wasting my time.” I think you are a valuable and intelligent young adult who hopefully will grow up and live a happier life. The fact that you are interested in writing poetry shows an active and literate mind.

Consider your journal to be a friend. Cultivate your writing talent.

Also, consider asking a school guidance counselor for a referral to a therapist. It can be done confidentially.

It might help to have someone trustworthy to talk to.

I’ve been where you are. It was horrible in middle school and high school, and my home life was bad too. I used to pray to God to let me go away to college and get out of that house.

Remember, when you turn 18, you can leave for college or get a job or join the military, etc., etc.

You will have your own life — prepare for that life now with good grades and start planning for it. What kind of career do you want? Where do you want to live?

Try to write one positive thing in your diary every day, as well as the more negative thoughts. Write about your plans for the future, as well as your feelings about the present.

Remember, the person you will be at age 18 needs you to live, so she can write!

Warmly,
Struggling to Survive (been there)

Dear Kayceekitten:

I am pleased that you found my suggestions useful. If one suggestion doesn’t work, maybe the next one will.

Every kind, respectful thing you can do for yourself will help you to survive and grow into a talented 18 year old who has an interesting life awaiting her.

Many blessings on your writing and your future happiness.

Cordially,
Struggling To Survive (been there)