My suicide history

i have had a very dangerous and sad life; when i was younger my father was abusing me, he abused me sexually, physically, emotionally, and mentally. he ruined my life, and made me not trust other males. He not only abused me but he abused my mother to, except he only abused her mentally and emotionally.
When he started up agan (metally and emotionally abusing me) i started feeling very lonely, sad, alone, i just hated myself and my life. i was always teased by eevryone during school and i started believeing what they were saying about me, which was *****, slut, horror, acme horror, trailer park trash, etc.
so i decided i would commit suicide. i started looking online to find painful and not painful ways to committing suicide, i also talked to my friends
so here are my stories abut suicide attempts:

one day i was unloading the dishwasher and i was doing the silverware and i came across one of the knives you would use to cut a loaf of bread. i put the knife to my stomach, under my shirt and started to slice my stomach, all of a sudden my mom came in and i stopped and just said i was checking to make sure it was clean.

another time, i was home alone and my mom was working,i decided to take my razor and slit my wrists. so i went into the bathroom with my phone and shut the door. i sat in the bathtub and i started to slice. i knew it would be painful so i just slit them a little bit like a papercut. it started to bleed a little and i thought ok this isnt that bad. al of a suden my phone started ringing and it was my grandmother, she talked to me and stopped me from following through.

then one other time i was in the middle of fully sliitting my throat, i had the knife fully into my throat and my mom came running in and stoped me.

i once took a sleepping pill, with 5 advils to overdose but i ended up just getting sick on it and i was rushed into the clinic and someone got some drugs for me to get rid of the medications that i took

i get depressed really easily, and it becomes dangerous for me. my boyfriend of a year has stopped me many times, i dont know what i would do without him. he is my life