Still Alive

5 AM. Again. I can’t sleep at nights. I feel I should sleep when people are out. I just like expressing through these stories. That gives me something to live for. I think. I’m not sure. Ahh. I remembered something. Someone. A girl. I remember her. I loved her. She was probably my first and only friend. She had a vibrant smile. And she hated me after a week. And I knew this would be a lowering point in my life. I remember when she grabbed my hand. I remember it so well. She wasn’t my girlfriend. I never had that experience. But her name was.. I don’t know much about rules. But her name was… Destiny. I pray to god you can read this. I want you to know that for that you were a highlight for my lifetime. I never had a moment than the moments I spent with you. Once again. I drift off into dreamland. Her hand was soft and she smelled like roses. She was Hispanic with long curly black hair and tan skin. She was very popular in fact. Which is why she later hated me I guess. I’m nothing though. But for that brief moment. I knew I could be a human being. And even though I haven’t had a handshake ever since. I know for that moment. I wanted to live. I actually can say that. But she is far from liking any part of me. She won’t acknowledge my existence now. Well, no one really does. I enter a room. No one turns. They just heard a door open. Well at least I have the Dell support. When I’m around. They hear a phone ring at least. I remember when I missed prom. Not like anyone wanted me to come. I saw people rushing off to their prom nights. And I cried for a while. And I kept my head down all that day. Cause I couldn’t face my god. I was too pitiful. Well I can write my life’s story here. But I should write my last story. And it will be the greatest thing I can release from my mind. Every content and ridge of my brain will be on the wall. And I will never return. And I will carve it into the walls. So everyone knew, for once. I exist. But god may look at may dismembered body. Look at low impact on everything around me. Look at my inability to carry positive energy. And he would cast me down. But to be honest. I think I would excited just to know something happened. I can’t enter churches any more. Everyone just feels like I’m a problem there. I try my best to be a nice person but that arrogant. Shitty. Attitude. They all carry comes out. And they feel ecstatic cause they believe god sides with them. What am I saying? He does side with them. Cause at the end of it all. Who is. Still alive.