I feel lonely.

Hello! I just want to say that right now i feel like the worlds loneliest person. I have no real friends, and I’m so insecure about myself that I didn’t even go outside today to mow the damn lawn. Let me start from the beginning as to why I’m so upset though. My life was fine and dandy up until the age of ten. When I was ten my dad died and I was closest to him. He was the smartest person I ever knew and he got into Georgetown University at 16, graduated, and went to work for one of the top law firms in the country. He died though from sclerosis’s to the liver. I never knew that he was an alcoholic until after he died because it was kept hidden from me for for all those years that he was sick. His parents (my grandparents whom I was very close with too) ran off after he died and I havent seen them since. Then, that same year my nana died and my whole family pretty much circulated around her. When she died I feel like a part of our family died too. Then months later my papa remarried to a lady who I’ve met once, moved out of the family’s house, and I haven’t seen him since. So in that year I managed to lose my dad, and all of my grandparents. I was coping pretty damn well after all this happened but then another thing happened… we moved. I grew up in Philadelphia with lots of friends, family, parties, ect. It was the best community you could ask for! Then when we moved, everything broke apart. We moved when I was going into 6th grade, and it was a pretty rough transition. I made some friends, none of which I considered close friends, but I felt good about myself because I was a little underweight and (I guess you could say) pretty. I had good grades and was coping fine about everything with the loss I had. I still stayed in contact with my friends from Philly and everything was pretty much dandy. Seventh grade was okay too… I guess. My grades took a turn for the worse though. Then during eighth grade… things went really bad. My grades were poor, and the worst thing that could happen happened. We were always closest to one family in Philly. (The name will remain nameless for confidentiality) I grew up with their kids as they did with our family. ( I have four siblings) We took vacations together and their daughter is (was?) my best friend forever. Yes, my bff. And her mother was my mom’s best friend so it all worked out! To us kids, it seemed our families were inseparable. Now my friends mom has a bit of a temper and big mouth, but we put up with her fine. (No offense! I love you Terri!) My mom decided to get into business with her, and my mom decided to put nearly all of our college savings into this business. Their relationship was put on the edge. Then months later my friends mom took a bunch of money from the busniess (25,00$) and took it for her own pleasure. A fight broke out (which was completely unexpected by us kids) and my mom decided to never be friends with them again. There goes my childhood family! And besides them, I pretty much have zero friends. That was all eight grade. That summer I was depressed and did pretty much nothing! I did find something that makes me happy! (yet no one approves) It’s everything Harry Potter related, and the musical productions of Starkid! They produced some musicals that were put onto youtube and that has pretty much saved me from suicide. The musicals online are called “A Very Potter Muical” “A Very Potter Sequel” and “Me and My Dick” Ever since I found out about those I’ve been pretty much stalking the cast everyday. It’s a bunch of kids from the University of Michigan that put on the productions and I love them for doing it. Now, I haven’t gone that deep into my depression, but it’s bad. I’ve been hospitalized twice for anger and depression at one in-patient facility and one out-patient facility. I’m constantly depressed and since I have no real friends. The only thing I have to look forward to anymore is a little family I have on facebook called the Starkid roleplayers. Yes, it is based off the musicals. All the people I met through roleplaying online have totally kept me going because I hope to one day meet all their lovely faces and I hope we can all be best friends. I’ve been deprived of them lately because my mom took away my computer privileges, and that’s why I’m extra depressed right now. Anyways today I sat at home and did nothing like a loser, and played piano to “express my emotions” (my mom took away the cable. fml) Anyways, I have no friends, (kinda hate my family) and the only people I love are online and hundreds of miles away. Also I’m highly insecure about myself. I honestly don’t know what to do. Well. Thanks for reading!