Dear readers,
I’m a 19 year old female student. And I seek help from you, because I’ve got no money to pay somebody to listen to me.
I’m not lesbian, I know that for sure, and neither is the person involved in this story. Despite this fact, I think we probably fell in love with each other some time ago. But let me tell you the whole story.
I met her on September 2009, but we didn’t begin to talk seriously until the beginning of 2010. When we began talking, we discovered we had many things in common. We enjoyed the same music, had similar experiences in the past and shared many aspects of our personality. We thought we were twin souls. It was amazing.
The real story, however, began in May. We chatted a lot through MSN and, as a joke, we began to pretend that we were dating. It turned out to be awkward and fun at the same time. We began to say beautiful things to each other and laughed at all the problems love usually brings. We had a nice time. But things began to run out of control.
Final exams were coming, and we decided to meet every day to study. As days went by, we began to realize that we missed each other when we parted (we live in different cities). Text messages came and went every time we were apart, and we began to spend more and more time chatting. We sat at the university gardens, where no one watched us, and cuddled and held hands. We didn’t know what it was, but it was beautiful.
Exams ended and summer came. We met several times throughout summer. She invited me to her house, and I spent two nights there. And on the first night I decided to do something I had in mind for some time ago: I gave her a peck. It was nothing more than that, but it shocked her. She also enjoyed it. We spent the rest of the night and the next one cuddling, hugging, holding hands and saying beautiful things to each other. I keep beautiful memories of that night.
We went on a little trip two weeks later. Four days. We spent all nights as the past ones, as if we were lovebirds. But the last night, she decided to kiss me. A real kiss. Our first one. It was a wonderful feeling.
The trip ended, and summer too, but that summer has definitely been the best one in my life. I discovered many things with her, and it was beautiful. MSN chats became love stories. We only talked about how we missed and loved each other. She even told me she was in love with me, but I still don’t if that was a joke.
Be as it may, lessons began once again. We found a lone place at university where we could hide. And we hid there every time we could. And kissed each other for hours. We just kissed, but it was perfect. We needed each other.
But one day, things began to cool down. She began to feel less interested in hiding, but I needed that and I asked her every time. It was hard for me to convince her, but when she agreed she had fun too. Anyway, I felt like our story was drawing to an end, that our particular summer in middle autumn was over, and I began to feel depressed. She finally told me she was tired of all this, and that she wanted some time. She thought this was becoming a routine, and she didn’t like that. I felt heartbroken, but I accepted her decision. The lovebirds were gone, the beautiful chats and text messages were gone too. I became officially depressed. I cried every time. I even thought I could kill myself. I began to live a Hell. I missed her a lot, and I couldn’t bear it.
Christmas came, and during holidays there was some school work we had to finish. I invited her to my house. And it happened, once again. We watched a movie until midnight, and when it finished, she kissed me. And that night went just like the old times. I felt happy once again. We kissed and cuddled the following morning too, and I felt like if it was summer once again.
But she left, and happiness lasted for a few days. She turned cold once again, and my depression came back.
Things haven’t improved since then. I cry almost every day for her, and the stress and failed exams of my university degree don’t help much. I feel like I want to die, like something is eating me, and I can’t take It no more. I came crying to her, seeking a comfort which she has never denied to me, but I know she is tired of my depression to. I don’t wanna lose her friendship, but I fear I might. My friends don’t care about me. I feel lost, alone, and I don’t know what to do.
I PLEASE ASK FOR HELP. Thank you very much and thanks for reading.
FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME: lyra2105@gmail.com
PS: Sorry for my bad English
14 comments
Hi Lyra,
Sorry about your situation. Being heart broken is the worst thing ever. I’ve been living with a broken heart for the last 26 years now so I kinda understand. I wish I had some advice for you. You’re young though and you most likely have an ability that I lack.. making new friends.
I Hope you can find happiness again.
I hope your story doesn’t end the way mine is about to.
My dearest reader, I’m sorry for you too. Believe me, I’m not that skilled in making friends, and I’m about to lose the few friends I have. I’m quite alone, actually… I would have killed myself if I wasn’t that coward.
I too hope I can find happiness again, and I hope you can find it quicker thant I do.
Best wishes.
Forgive me but saying but your dearest love, the one who has taken your heart and held it in her hands, is only looking for sex.
If She doesn’t want to take it slow with you and stay in the hiding places, then she doesn’t love you and doesn’t respect what you want, so therefore she doesn’t even care about you.
You need to get angry at her in order to stop the heartache from hurting.
It will be difficult to get angry at her but that’s what you need to do.
Then eventually you will forget about her.
Suicide isn’t the answer, for one you are too young to sucessfully go through with it, because you will be too scared to do it to yourself, your body and mind fights back wether you want it to or not, and its the most terrifying thing you could possibly experience.
You need to move on and maybe someday when you feel a bit better you need to then find somebody else.
It would be wise to tell her this: “If you don’t stay with me in the hiding places and take it slow with me then you don’t even care about me at all”
And if she takes offence at that then its a sure sign that she doesn’t truly love you, because love is about caring about the other person, not just caring about whats in their pants.
The second most terrifying thing on earth would have to be waking up in a Mental Hospital and being put under electroshock therapy, so please avoid suicide and suicidal thoughts, force yourself to think about other things.
I don’t know what else you could think about, but think about something that will make you feel happy and not sad, I know how hard it is, also avoiding things that make you feel sad is good too.
That and a plate of ice cream might help too, but make sure its low fat…
Just enjoy spending time alone with yourself and try to not be so dependent upon her.
Thanks for replying, Freax.
I know her, and this is not about sex. She’s not that kind of person. We both decided not to take it slow. And she never regretted hiding; it’s the routine what she doesn’t like. It’s me being over her all day what she doens’t like. But I don’t know how to change.
She loves me, and she wants to be with me, but she also wants some space, which is what I’m not giving her.
The thing is, as you well said, that I’m too dependant on her. I have to change that, but I don’t know how to. I need help, because this feeling is destroying me. I have to learn to live my own life aside hers while keeping our friendship. And I don’t know how…
Once again, thanks for replying. All opinions are welcome.
She might be bored..try and be interesting. Make yourself appealing again. She might be scared bcoz you have become clingy and she doesn’t want that. Re-invent yourself and she will want to hang out with you again. I hope..
Thanks for replying, Bubbles!
That might be a piece of advice… I don’t think she’s scared. I’d say she’s just tired and bored of the routine our relationship finally became. It’s all my fault, actually… As you said, I became too clingy, and overwhelmed her. I want to change that, but I don’t know how. I need help.
Thanks for your support! Take care! 🙂
Take up a new hobby, make new friends and invite her out to do new things. Don’t isolate yourselves she might be the kind of person that needs stimuli. Bake her a cake, organize a party be a bit wild..idk bcoz I don’t know what she is like. Be creative.
Bubbles, yeah… I think she might need something new. Maybe I have to think of something that keeps her attention.
And the only possible hobby I can take is keep studying, because I don’t have time for anything else :S
Um… could I say something?
This reminds me of something that happened to me… No, not the love part. But I had a very close friend. We used to hang out all the time. Then, one day, she told me, “Why don’t we just be like ‘acquaintances’ We’re together so much, I’m afraid people will think we’re…”? I was lonely a lot after that and cried for hours. Then she began hanging out with someone else and finally she returned, saying she sorry. The next few years, she became best friends with all my other friends and practically ignored me.
What I’m trying to say is, I think this friend of yours isn’t as close as you think. Sure it was fun while it lasted, but… I’m afraid her interests are different than yours:
She wanted others to see you two in a relationship. You wanted to be alone together. She wants to move on. You want to stay together.
It’s her personality. It’s not like she doesn’t care, but she doesn’t care THAT much, if you know what I mean. It’s about differences.
Ouch. I clicked submit comment before I was done… or before I checked it for errors. I really wanted to change the last sentence… no, the whole paragraph… ugh 🙁
Okay, as I was going to say…
If you are “clingy” (I don’t like the negative connotation) then you can’t change that in the long run. It’s who you are. You want a close relationship (friendship or otherwise). Just like if she is distant in personality, she will remain that way.
My friend I mentioned earlier is still my friend, and she talks like crazy when she sees me. She’s still very nice, and even gave me a small gift a few years ago, but I know I will never be the first on her mind. She’s always “busy” with something or someone else to stay and chat long.
My suggestion: Don’t hope for anything between you two. Continue being her friend, but nothing else. Don’t rely on or expect anything from her. It’s who she is and who she always will be. If she really does miss you, she will come back. But if she doesn’t, well… Who knows? You might meet someone you like in one of your classes? …even if you can’t find a friend as close as she ever was, you can still try to enjoy the presence of others until you do find another close friend.
Don’t lose everything because of her.
By the way, your English is nearly perfect. 😉 (Oh, and so you know, I’m a 17, nearly 18, year old girl)
You know, now that I think about it, Bubbles might be on to something. Some people just get bored quickly with others. I think my friend may be just like that. But don’t ever try to change yourself just to interest her. You’re cool just the way you are, and if you are busy with actual studying– then keep on! You might just be something big someday and look back at all of this laughing!