I don’t care anymore, theres nowhere I can go and be happy, I go to school and I’m miserable because someone is going to either fuck with me or be mad at me sometime during the day, I come home and I’m miserable because my parents scream and fight all day. Â I can’t be happy anymore, no matter how much I try. Â Every time I am happy for a second it just turns into anger.
Earlier today I was listening to the song First Date by Blink 182 and daydreaming about going on a date with this girl I have a crush on, but then I just came back to reality where she has a boyfriend and even if she didn’t, would never date me. Â I wouldn’t know what to do anyway, I’ve never had a date before so I’d probably just do something wrong and fuck everything up.
It seems no one loves me, I have an imaginary girlfriend and she’s mad at me half the time too. Â How sad is that, I hate myself so fucking much my brain won’t even let me have a peaceful relationship with an imaginary girl.
I’m too much of a ***** to cut myself, so I just claw my arms with my fingernails and then dig my nails into my face when I’m angry.
I used to  listen to angry music to feel better but now they don’t evoke much reaction anymore, I just sit there and become depressed about being angry about being lonely.
I would like to also ask all of you something, I have a dream girl and would like to know if you know anyone like her, she’s about fifteen (as am I.) She has blonde hair, is short, a little chubby, has a funny looking nose, is a smartass, and her name is Allison. Â I hope someone out there knows her, or if she even exists, the help would be welcome.
2 comments
What’s going on with your parents is their problem unfortunatly its affecting you all I can say is try not to get involved and look after yourself or you could tell them it’s affecting you and see what they say it might make them think before they yell give it a go.as for your imaginary girlfriend you are better off with a real one.sounds like you are shy look for someone like you and be friends first friends sometime turn into girlfriends I wish you luck I know and remember what a hard time it is to be 13 that was the worst year of my life but I’m now 43 it does get better you just have to work at it take care
Wow, this was a long time ago. OP was only 15. I know what it’s like to be 15 and miserable. I was there, too.
You’re a lot older now. I hope you’ve found a point to things. I have a few words of unsolicited advice for you. Find people who truly want to do things for you, who respect you and treat you well. Run fast from anything and anyone who doesn’t. And if you didn’t find Allison, she might not look like that, or have that name. You don’t even need to look for her. She’ll find you when you have your act together and feel good about yourself.