This is a huge simplification of a long-running problem:
A lot of people would envy me. I am a young, healthy, quite attractive & intelligent adult male. I am about to study at a good university.
But I am tired of life. 4 years ago I was popular and the happiest person alive. Now I am not happy and have no friends; they all left. I thought this was the reason for me feeling awful, but now I believe its a mental thing. It is a living curse, my mood goes up & down, where the ‘up’ is emotionless and the ‘down’ is suicidal. There is no pleasure left in life. And it’s unrelated to circumstances: I could have everything I wanted & I would feel the same. All I really want is happiness.
I was taking pills earlier this year for depression which bought me more time, but I suspect I’m bi-polar or something very similar. It’s a scary feeling of being boxed in and it isn’t going away. I have dreams relating to day to day life as well, so even in sleep I cannot escape. But I have to feign happiness as I’ve lost close friends by being sad.
It makes no difference if I die. I won’t be aware if I am dead so I can’t miss out. It will save more suffering. I know how to do do it reliably and painlessly. Counselling won’t help: I don’t want to be branded a risk & the issue isn’t logical. A psychiatrist will just give me more pills.
People will say ‘don’t do it’, but why does it matter? Nobody knows me so it makes no difference to you: preserving life is intuition, not logic.
I have set the date for late August to prove it is what I really want. Thoughts of death have just become normal over the last year. I have suffered for long enough and this will be the finale. I have only posted here to see if anybody has a genuine reason I shouldn’t do it.
9 comments
As some one who set a date and let it pass(yesterday)I now realize that does nothing. It works like a countdown and every bad thing that happens between now and then you’ll think about how you can’t wait to be rid of problems like this. The problem is if you make it all the way to that date and chicken out(like me) you’ll be left with a now what feeling. I wouldn’t say set a date. But If you do set a date do something I didn’t do because I’m too much of a *****. Take risks. If you give yourself 2 weeks to live or what ever it is try to have as much fun in those 2 weeks as you can. If you’re going to die you might as well live it up.
Never in a million years did I expect any good feedback from what I wrote. I really found your answer helpful, probably because I didn’t expect a reply from somebody on the same level.
I feel I have to set a date because I have deceived myself for so long that things will get better, with a date there is an ultimate cut off point. Today I am feeling amazing as if I am on some party drug, yet I know it’s just another ‘up’ which will be countered by a ‘down’ later. I feel I have been through the stage of taking risks as there is nothing to lose, but in essence there is nothing on earth I could do which would change me in the long term. The way I think I would die is very comfortable so (hopefully, easier said than done) it should just be a case of going to sleep in a relaxing state. The problem with the 2 week thing is I have realised that the pain suffered is directly proportional to the effort put in; I have tried, tried and tried again, and whilst I will have the best time I can (and will probably have a great time at some point), I have ultimately given up.
I’m surprised my words can be comforting. I know that nothing between now and your date will change your mind I’m not hypocritical enough to try to. I just hope you find peace and if not you have fun. I’m also interested in your method. I tried otc sleeping pills and know someone who tried Lunesta and we’re both alive. I’ve thought about guns or helium but am scared of botching both.
Why set a date. If you’re going to do then do it. Pills mostly fail and are painful. Don’t know of anyway of dying peacefully or in sleep in a relaxed state.
It sucks that you think dying is the best answer for your problem. I’m tired of living as well, but what’s left after we die? I’ve almost succeeded in my suicide, but people interfered. I’m going through life as a decaying hollow flesh bag, like my name, doing what is required of me in order to be left alone.
A date is not for your benefit – it is a clear message to anybody that it was not a rash moment. If it was just me I’d have done it by now. The helium bag method is a very peaceful although I’m not doing that.
Nothing is “left” after we die. We are not concious, it just ends. Type “pass out game” into google and follow the instructions. It feels like you came from a beautiful sleep yet you were unaware. That’s what it’s like to die.
My plan is a straightforward belt around the upper neck. If you lie on your right side you can block the vein to the brain, so you still breathe comfortably. A person would wear a scarf or something around their neck to prevent it digging in. This has the bonus that a person could “test” it fairy cautiously & safely to see if that it what you want, without committing to it. It is not “all or nothing” and if you lose conciousness then you’re out anyway, but if you are still concious then you could change your mind – you are not trapped.
Wanna talk?
I wouldn’t talk you out of it because like anyone else here, I’m ready to let myself go as well. if you want to text or something 4846519899. I’d love to talk about what’s going on.
6106519899** used to my old number!
Or one of those, idk anymore. Hah.
Thanks for your offer :). I could talk to you on the phone but to be honest you would just be talking to a normal “”happy”” human being, there wouldn’t be a trace of sadness. If we kept talking for a few hours then you might see some problems, my mood will possibly crash and I might get a bit aggressive after a while, it’s always a waiting game.
To be honest, I wouldn’t know what to talk about because I don’t really see a problem in anything I am doing. It’s just “the next stage” which happens to everybody, I am just quitting whilst I’m ahead. The fact that I have a choice to leave the game early makes me feel a lot better, even if I was to somehow make it through.
I have spoken to a few people, like my family who are aware I’m going through a “”rough spell”. I couldn’t spell it out that a “”rough spell” means seriously planning my death, it would just hurt more people and if I made it through then having something like that on record would make everything worse. None of these thoughts are logical or rational, so even if we talked about my “”problems”” (but there aren’t any problems, I’m a lucky person and don’t really have problems) nothing could be done about them. Sorry