I had fun yesterday. I wanted to cry when I got home and went to bed as soon as I laid down. I feel fat. I ate two brownies and I feel like I’m overweight. I weigh about 135lbs. I have dealt with weight problems but my excuse was always loss of appetite because of depression. Now I just don’t want to eat. I don’t want to gain weight. I want to be thin and I want my bones to show. I want to feel pretty. To feel like people are looking at me thinking “Wow she looks good”. I want to wear a skirt and not feel like my legs are huge. I want to wear a shirt that is skin tight and not feel like I’m all bubbly. And I know some of you might comment on this post angry or what ever because I’m talking about weight so much but if you’re going to complain or be an ass just don’t read this post. Don’t comment on this and make me feel worse. Just leave it be and read another post. Because I’m really sick and tired of people commenting on my posts like I don’t have a right to post the things I post. We all come here for one common reason. Suicide.
I feel fat. I don’t want to eat. I want to watch myself grow boney. I want to feel pretty. I want to not have fat arms. I want to have a guy come up to me and just… Compliment me. To ask me out. I want to be noticed. I hate being invisible. I HATE IT. I’m insecure about myself. I hate my personality but I have trouble changing. I hate myself. There isn’t one good quality about myself except my scars. My favorite are the two on my hand. I get to see them whenever I want. I feel like marking myself tonight. Adding another memory.
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I completely understands how u feels. Because I am in the same situation as you. I feels inferior, suicidal, I hate to go out and I long for myself to disappear from this world. But perhaps, u are more luckier than me, cause I am suffering from skin problem, acne rosacea and inherited liver spots on my body. My skin problems can’t be solved and I hate myself, I am living like a zombie for the sake of my mum. This feeling is really terrible and it has been with me for 10 years and I knew for the rest of my life I will have to live like this. I will not have a prosperous career, no love, no confidence, nothing but a crap. But u still have chance, I have many friends who are successful in losing weight. U still have a chance to gain your beauty. Get help from professionals. I wish u a success.
@godplskillme: Thank you so much, I actually go to a trauma counselor and psychiatrist but can’t get on meds or can’t really start “helping myself” until I’m on them. I don’t know :/… Seems silly to me really. But I just.. I don’t think I’ll ever be happy with myself.
i know what you mean i hate my weight i just hate it. im now 116 that is fat. I barely eat anything and look at that i gain two pounds what a pain in the ass >3 <
@SuicideKillMe+Umbra_Artist: you both are lucky. I’m 135 about 5’7″ And You can see the weight in my legs clearly. I want to be skin and bones but I feel like that’s impossible for me because I start to give up on myself.
@Umbra_Artist:Thank you, I know; being a girl is tough. Women are picked apart in every way possible and the only role models we have are Tall Skinny models who obviously never eat. I used to never think twice about how I look and used to not give a fuck about what anyone thought. The older I got and the more I experienced life with my former boyfriends and friends the more I realized I have no one and nothing. I have friends but online ones who barely talk to me anymore. I don’t understand how I can keep myself going..
Man, this sucks.
I hope you have more motivation than me. The thing is that I feel so lame because I don’t ever try fixing the problems I see in myself. I just DWELL on them. I hardly even care about my hygiene anymore, I’m just so pathetic. My weight fluctuates ridiculously because I alternate between binge eating and starving myself (not intentionally–I get sick after stuffing my face for a few days straight).
Maybe you can actually turn things around for yourself…just try doiing it the right way so you’re healthy, too.
@longtimegone: I hope one day I can turn things around for myself. But I also hope you turn things around for yourself too…..
I wish I could starve myself! I just don’t have that much will power.
All I do is eat; I’m over my “ideal” body weight by over 100 lbs!
But hell, I’m married so who am I trying to impress anyway. :-/
I’m 120lbs and I feel fat like hell too. I’m 5’3. I should be at least 100lbs! I want to be a size 1 again and feel pretty. Kaylee I know it’s hard as fuck to feel that way. Don’t worry about what other people say. The hurtful words, throw them outta the window! They don’t know how hard it is to be a girl!
Btw I think ur really pretty. =)
Sure wish I could feel that way about myself though. -_-
there’s this really good quote my friend wrote one day… I can’t remember it word for word, but I thought of you. It basically means that what we look like does not define what we are inside. It’s cliche, I know, but it pertains to everyone. I know the end of it goes something like …when you say something meaningful and bright, the beauty shines out of you. Basically, the inside overrides the outside.
I myself am not pretty, no matter what people say, but I do have a way with words and meaning. Sure, I’m not wat I want to look like (it’s physically impossible on our earthly plain for that to ever happen) but a lot of people like me for who I am. If only I could truly see that for myself…
Back from the bird walk, I really signed up like twenty minutes ago to write to you the horrible reconstruction of the quote (oh gosh I can has bad memory!) and to say that you don’t need to change for other people. Change only for yourself when ready; we have to start at the core, which is the significant and inquisitive being under the “fat”. I could tell by reading your post that you are a good person but you’re poisoned by what a lot of us are: that invisible, dark, almost nameless factor that plagues each human.
@nitaklepto: I’ve heard a quote similar to that.. Do you want to talk sometime? Maybe email or something?
@beaGhost:I know.. I know I’ll never be satisfied…
I’ve starved myself to a 00 and under 100lbs. You’ll never be satisfied, trust me. With the mindset that you have now, no amount of skinny will be good enough for you.
i wouldnt say that i am lucky i still hate me weight. The biggest mistake is my thighs i hate my thighs its gross and disgusting thats way next week all im going to do it exerise(im not going outside) and keep eating one meal a day.I am going to try to lose my thigh weight and maybe everything else too o:
): wish i had that ambition