i freaking cry every day. i cry myself to sleep every night and im tired of it. i just want this fucking pain to end!! I am such a loner. all my friends have forgotten about me, my family doesn’t care, my whole family has mental issues. and i keep taking pills, every day, more and more. maybe one day I’ll take too much, and I’ll die. yes, I will commit suicide. why does God allow this much pain??! I believe in God, I know He’s real. I just have no freaking clue why He would allow this much pain. I know people who have been through 10 times the shit I’m in, and they never lost faith in God. yeah i know what people say, life gets better, life is worth living, blah blah blah. well that’s because they’re not in fucking living hell!! they will never understand!! I’m so so close to being numb, I wish I was already there. I dont mind the mental pain, but it just fucking hurts inside. </3
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I use to take pills, i dont anymore, i cry and cry myself to sleep… my own family doesnt even no tht i xsist… as well as my friends… so yeah… im here to talk to you if you want to…. Facebook: Mahnoodle TFB Txt: 1 951 468 8789
oh, um could we do email? cause I dont have a phone:/
ok nevermind, I found you on fb I think
I have three things to say. First of all, you are not alone. This site is filled with people just like you. Nearly all of us have felt this way, or come close to it.
Secondly, and this is my personal opinion, but although we might be God’s creatures, we are in Satan’s world. We are in a world where pain rules. I hate to say something so depressing on top of everything else, but it is. The thing is, we’re supposed to try to beat it. And I know you are tired and just sick of it all–believe me, I feel that way a lot of times too–but every now and then, in your life, you WILL have at least a glimmer of happiness, if not the real thing.
Thirdly, I can say that “life will get better” because I was indeed in living hell! I have more than a few scars, to say the least… I think maybe you should try a different approach to life. Counseling, moving, just going for a walk or a drive, speed dating, going out with a friend, seeing a movie, whatever… Just try something different. Start a new hobby. Ride bikes, ride horses, build model airplanes, play Monopoly, cut hair, join a Renaissance faire, dress in steampunk, write a book.
Just do something new. 🙂 Just for the heck of it. Who knows? Maybe, in a wild way, it will help. 🙂 Take care, be safe ♥♥
well more than half the stuff you just said I can’t do. because of where I’m at right now, I can’t socialize or just go to the mall and hang out, or go to a movie or whatever. no sports, no friends, boyfriend, nothing. I’ve been inside my house for 9 months(I’m 16 years old), writing a book, drawing, doing chores, making wooden guns(even thought they look terrible), and yes even playing monopoly. I’m just tired of life, so secluded in my own hell of a world, and the demons inside me are pretty much winning, I give up trying to fight them, they’ve overtaken me and I tried too long to fight them. but thanks for trying to help, I appreciate it.
What is keeping you in?
Exercise and sunlight have been proven to keep depression at bay, by the way. Same with taking vitamin B or St. Johns’ Wort, which are both natural.
*hug* I’m not too much older than you, and depression is a daily struggle for me. It always will be. But I realised that the more I wanted to end the pain, the worse I was making it: my desperation for suicide was the very thing that hurt me so badly, because I was still alive and I wanted to be dead. Does that make sense? But I made a deliberate decision to stop wanting to end the pain so badly. It sounds impossible but it worked. I accepted that I was depressed and that I was in that living hell you spoke of. I didn’t want to try to heal anymore. I was just too tired. Sometimes I think I still am, but I’m not giving up. And so the only conflict I had anymore was no longer a constant battle between life and death and all of the other things we have to deal with when we are considering suicide–but rather I just lived with the pain. And I was living, finally. I consider myself in the midst of healing and no longer suicidal but still depressed.
I fully believe if I can do it, so can you, but I can promise you that you have to keep going. The fact is you WILL be happy one day again, at least for a little bit, and those little snatches of happiness are what we need to live for. Grab them. Memorise them. Keep them for a rainy day. By July of last year, I had only had four days of happiness, in all of those seven months, and I used them to keep me alive.
Good luck, and take care. I believe in you and I know you can do it. Be safe! ♥♥
it does make sense, and a few days ago I actually decided that i needed to be happy, so I was so happy for about a week and doing all this fun stuff around the house, just being happy. I stopped hurting myself too. BUT when my parents came home, they didn’t believe I was actually happy, they thought i was still suicidal and everything so now they’re gonna get me mental help soon, and they put me on pills, I’ve taken these pills before and they don’t work for me. and I even told them how happy i was, that i decided to change my atitude and stuff but they STILL didnt believe me! OH and I can’t use scissors or knives or anything because they think I’m gonna hurt myself again, which I wont. and I cant lock any of the doors, even if im changing. so far half the family has walked in on me without clothes, I wish my parents would just trust me because their lack of trust is causing me to be more suicidal now -.-
Well, that’s no fun. I personally think that a lot of the problems people have involving depression and suicide often are made worse by misunderstandings. And it would nice to be listened to once and a while. My family has done stuff like taken away my knife collection and things, but they never really made much of an effort to “protect” me from objects I could use to hurt myself. Either way, I know what it’s like to no longer be suicidal and have people treat you like you wanna throw yourself out the window the instant it opens.
Keep pushing through, if you get counseling perhaps it will help you with the future, and I hope you can reach a middle ground with your family. Sometimes people, in their efforts to help, make things work, and you have to recognise that they are not trying to hurt you.. Take care and good luck! 🙂
I hate living with my family, they all make everything worse
Well, the good news is that at sixteen, you will be able to leave soon. Preparations for leaving ought to start now, too, especially if you want to go to college. Driving, a job, things like that, if you can get a hold of them, that might be a good idea.
Triggering situations, when we can’t leave or solve them, are awful to stay in. I realised I would never be able to change the way some of my family treated me, so I tried to change the way I treated them. It didn’t work for me but it might for you. And even if it doesn’t, I stopped trying to change the situation and focused on finding ways to cope with it. If you can find some stuff that will keep you going, just until you can leave, then you can rebuild your life the way you want it. 🙂