Scared and Alone

Scared and alone I walked through my house. I was just in a huge fight with well everyone important to me. I had no where to turn and n one to talk to. I didnt know what to do so I made my first ever cut. I used scissors.. then I started liking it and I began to do it more often. (Later I learned that the feeling that one gets from self harm can become addictive) my wrists and fingers were my targets, they were shallow cuts at first, ones that left no scars. Then I began to want the scars on my body, they seemed so cool to me. I loved the fact that our skin was able to do that. Then came my first close call with myself. I was once again in the same position as before, no where to turn, nothing to do. I walked into the kitchen and I grabbed a sharp knife from the drawer and thought to myself.. Man this would leave a scar.. a big one.. a cool one… I tried it out on my chair first to see what it did to that. It sliced through it really quick. Then I walked back to the kitchen and put the knife to my throat.. I was scared.. I didnt know what to do.. the angel and the demon on my shoulders were fighting over my decisions.. and a lot of what was going through my mind was my mom.. she didnt want to accept me for being gay.. my friends were mad at me for no reason.. I was so scared that I had no one left. I didnt know what to do.. I started to cry and I put the knife down.. I made the choice to save myself.. but recently I have slipped again.. my new circle of friends called an intervention for me.. I kept going.. overusing pain killers, self harm it was my relseae. I needed it.. but again.. something has changed me again.. My choice to believe in God, in a higher power, gave me a kind of inner strenght I just didnt have before.. so say what you will about my story but again it is mine and you may not like it, i understand that, but be kind to others..