It’s your fault…

This all started about 9 months ago, you had been flirting with ne a lot, or so i touhgt… One night i decided to call you and you came over. I was babysitting and our friends were upstairs, you dragged me into the bathroom and made me give you a blowjob, you never asked, you only said; c’mon please, just please do it. And knowing I can’t say no, I did it. The next few days you called and asked me to meet you at our friend’s house. I came to his house and you were there to invite me in, they were upstairs.. I’ll never forget the vibe I got when you caressed me and I felt your dick stone hard in your pants. You dragged me into the bathroom again, things got a little more serious then, but we didn’t go all the way. A week after these meetings where i went to see you, I was brainwashed, I couldn’t see you were only using me, bu everyone else could. My friend warned me multiple times about this but i never listened. That night i came alone. We went into the bathroom and you wanted to take me anal, I said a clear no, something I had never done to you before. Your attitude changed right away, and you started pushing me and be really angry, that was the first time I got scared and the last cause the fear has never gone away. You took me by the ass and started doing your thing, I started screaming..You slapped me and told me to shut up, you told me that noone cared about me and nobody cared what I said, and I belived it.
But it still hurt like hell and you were “good” enough in you to stop. But you weren’t done. You gave me some orange juice to drink, but it tasted a bit odd. Next thing I knew I was half naked in our friend’s room and you two jacking off to me. Then you took me to the bathroom and took my virginity. I tought I wanted it then, but I was just drunk. I would do anything to go back in time and not go meet you in the first place but I can’t. Instead I’ve been dealing with severe depression and mistrust towards my friends and now, my boyfriend who I love so, so, so much. But i just can’t trust him, I’m always thinking; what if he’s just using me?? I don’t want to live like this anymore and I’m constantly thinking about suicide, but I don’t have the guts to do it… Maybe that’s good, maybe there’s more to life than you and your stupid face witch I want to kick. I just wanted you to know that when I’m gone, my life will be on your concious and you’ll know exactly why. But the thing is, I’m not going to wait any longer, no longer than a year, so I have about 3 months to decide. I probuably won’t post here ever again so all of you have a good life, or at least have a good time ti’ll you end it.