When I was in the 7th grade my brother was sent away for therapy because he was dealing with alot of problems (ocd, tourettes, drug/alch abuse). In the 8th grade I started to feel neglected and hated by my parents, so i started cutting after every fight we had, which turned into coming home from school every day to cut my self. I stopped for a while, but then relapsed in the 9th grade. When this happened, i told my dad i was depressed and really considered killing myself and that i needed therapy. He said okay, and never brought it up again. After that I stopped cutting for a good year. This brings us to present day. I am a sophmore in highschool and recently just relapsed on cutting and have started to burn myself. I feel like the pain will go away if i do this but then afterwards i feel very ashamed. I want help but i really dont want to put my family through this.
Lately I’ve been sexually promiscuous. I was with this guy for a while who persuaded me to give him head every time–no strings attached, but then he just left me out in the cold and doesnt talk to me–EVER. So then I just lost my virginity to this guy who just used me. I told my friends about the whole blowjob things (not the sex DEAR LORD WHAT THEY WOULD SAY IF THEY KNEW) and now they are calling me sloppy and slutty. Worst of all, one of my best friends is blaming her drunk driving fiasco on ME. WTF.
No one cares, no one listens. I feel so alone. I realize that i shouldnt be putting myself out there for guys to use me, but they legitimately felt right, like they were the ones. All they wanted was a one night stand.
I’ve cut myself. I told my friends. They didn’t care. I have cuts going all down my neck. No one cares. They just judge me.
I hate to feel like the only solution is to kill myself but i truly do. The major aspects of my life (friends, family, love, and school) suck and are all WAYY past repair. I can’t stop cutting. And my mom yelling at me calling me a ***** through my door right now really isn’t helping. I don’t know how much more of this i can take. Help me please.
6 comments
You shouldnt let anyone use you for that matter. If i had a mother yelling at me through my door just play music. Music is everyone’s friend. This website doesnt judge at all. And if you wanted help go to your school guidence or something. Maybe they could help. I ish am a sophomore too. Got sent to guidence twice for what i wanted to do and it really didnt help me. All i know is since your cutting and burning they would like call the criss center like they did to me. Maybe whom ever sends them to you may help you out a ton.
The wonders of being a teen, ……. not !
Takes 2 to tango, ….
You don’t have to do anything you don’t wish from now on, sex without love isn’t what its cracked up to be.
I know this is shallow, yet when I was attracted to a girl, sex was the main thing on my mind, yet alot of times I would tell myself this is the one. I would always know from the first sex if this wasn’t going to work, sometimes would do it a few more times just to make sure.
That would have been tough if I thought I had to wait til marriage before sex, then on the wedding night find out it wasn’t going to work.
Hang in there your young, there is usually a person out there for each of us to love and recieve love from,
Having sex doesn’t make you a slut. If there’s a word that’s outdated, it’s that one. It shouldn’t matter to anyone how many people you’ve slept with, but you. Although, you might want to consider taking yourself off the market for a while, since you’re obviously not comfortable with it.
As for your friends reaction to you cutting yourself, it’s probably just them feeling uncomfortable and unsure of what to say. It’s easier to beat something down if you don’t understand it. I know if one of my friends told me something like that, i’d be beating around wildly for some kind of solution for them. And when i couldn’t find one, i’d just go quiet. So I’m guessing from that, sometimes people care more than they seem to.
Listen sweety, poeple do crazy craaaazy stuff to make themselves feel whole. Be it cutting themselves, drugs, alcohol, sex and what not. You just did what you had to do. But think of the positive sides. You’re mature enough to know that what you have done is wrong. Yes, regret SUCKS. But then again, you have the power to distinguish between the wrong and the right. So you had sex with these guys. Stop regretting it and let it go. That’s the only way. Just don’t let them in the future. And about your friends judging you, you see, people have become very judgemental now a days. It’s either me or they have become waaay shallow. Atleast you know that you’re not like them, you should be happy that this judging illness hasn’t gotten to you hun. Friends, family, love and school : They are ALL gone for me aswell. Think of the worse things that can happen, that always makes me feel like I can live another day. And about your mom. pop on some headphones! (:
I gave out this same advice last night to someone who was having similar problems: “These feelings won’t kill you unless you let them. These emotions have no power over you other than the power that you give them.â€
It is horrible that your friends would do that to you even if you tell them how you feel, but life can be like that.
It is horrible that these guys would use you like that, but life can be like that.
It is horrible that you feel this way, but life can be like that.
But you can get through it, life /is/ like that.
I would recommend talking with one of your closest friends, face to face, with nobody else around. Telling a group of people about your suffering generally doesn’t work. They will generally shy away and feel uncomfortable. This is natural. They do not want to share their emotions in front of everyone else. It is hard to say “I love you, and everything is going to be ok” to a person who is having a tough time. It is not seen as normal to have these problems so your friends may try to pull away from you just to “preserve” their reputation within the group.
Talking to a single, trusted friend is generally the way to go. They can not leave you so easily, they can talk about your emotions with you, they don’t need to fear that people will judge them. Telling someone that you are thinking about killing yourself is a great way to help yourself if only you can find someone to listen.
We are here to listen and I am sure that if you do it right your friends will listen too.
cutting and burning releases endorphins which in some people are the pleasure that make the mental anguis go away. And sex sometimes does this as well. Changes your chemical flow momentarily to make you feel good when the bigger situation may not be.
That is why they feel so good when you are depressed or in despair.
The others have already recommended you talk to a trusted friend or a counselor. Those are the best methods for you to heal yourself.
Give your friends time. It is uncomfortable for those not in your position to hear about your pain. They have their pain as well and the intensity of yours may be too much for them to process all at once.
In time they should listen and comfort you if they really care.
As far as the sex, you are not a slut. And being promiscuous is not an evil thing like many religions and people make it out to be. Just try to be responsible and safe with it. Having love added would be great but that does not always happen. Sex is neither awesome nor evil (unless it is used to harm someone). It just is.
Those guys used your feelings to take advantage of you. And that is wrong of them the blame is not on you. they probably told you all sorts of things to gain your trust just to get what they wanted.
They are predators and seek out women who may be having a hard time.
Maybe you should take some time away from boys. Maybe try reading up on some different activities that you can do.
Exercising, puzzles, quizzes, Sudoku, knitting/sewing, gardening are all things that can give tyou the same pleasure as cutting and burning if you allow them to.
I do hope your friends and family come around and support you my dear.
You should not have to be experiencing this hardship.