I am worthless… and what’s worse is I know I don’t like me I don’t think other people really do either. I’ve been through more in 30 years than most within the worst circumstances will have to deal with. All I want is the curage to press that much harder on the blade… I hate me. For so many reasons I don’t deserve life but what ever governs this world won’t see fit to let my suffering end. Haunted with only 1 way out but too much of a baby to do it. I don’t want to deal with it anymore I just want the way out!
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Its natural.
The thing is, maybe something good will happen, maybe there’s a reason why you’re alive.
Maybe there’s a reason why you don’t want to cut deeper.
Maybe there’s something good waiting for you.
I think so.
Maybe there isn’t. But just ending it.. I think you should live. Maybe instead of being around people..travel! Walk, run, jog! See things. Don’t let people hurt you!
I used to think thoughts that didn’t help my cause…I didn’t know I was working against myself…When you can turn your mind in a direction that works in service for you, you’ll feel better amidst your circumstances. It’s a challenging process, but your worth it for sure. Good luck to you.
I’ve tried to get out of this state of mind but at some point there is just too much bad if nothing good ever happened to you if the evils in your life out way the moments when your not tormented by your mind and body when pain is actually a release from the horror that is life then why bother
I know others have been through worse than I have but horrors add up and the weight of so many pressing down on you, that horrible trapped with no way out feeling… There is an ever-present tightness in my chest I’m always on the verge of crying like a baby or a torrent of rage either way I am left stripped of all hope sitting alone playing with pins and razors wondering why I’m not strong enough to push harder.
Nobody understands… Even when I explain nobody gets it, doctors hurt more than heal, and you can’t turn certain things on and off I’ve suppressed a lot but I think the cup is overflowing if you get my meaning
Well, express your pains. All of them
Hey tjh! Has life always been this bad? Or has it gotten worse?
My life has always been bad but it continues to get worse I lost my sister and tried to give her cor and failed I lost every friend I’ve had my parents are as messed up as I am if not worse so I don’t have them I cling to what little security I have but today I am looking at loosing my job and my last scraps of self respect with it my whole existence is a down hill slide
You really have been through a lot. I know for me it seems like life comes in bunches… sometimes good, sometimes bad. Several years ago I found my dad after he died and blamed myself, didn’t have any close relationships, and started my alcoholic drinking. I don’t think their was a single moment everything got better but when I look back I can see my problems today aren’t near as over whelmimg.
I hear people say “God won’t give you more than you can bear”, but I don’t believe that. Sometimes the pain and hopelessness of life is to much to bear. But the truth is that is we can somehow get through the really dark parts the clouds will often break a little for us to see some sun.
Where are you from?
I Am From CT.
The only thing that keeps me here is my nephew I would never want him to hurt as much as I do so when I get that close to doing it I think of him and I break down an emotional mess but lately I can’t seem to get myself out of this state of mind and I don’t want to be put back in the hospital its like I wish I could just go to sleep and not wake up or just never had been born I don’t know what to do I hurt so bad I am always ssick because of lymes and ebv and I have a lot of mental problems and then life just keeps pushing me down I am from new jersey and mental health hear is joke they wouldn’t help at all just throw drugs at me that won’t help…
Forever, I picture CT where everyone has a clean house, has scented candles burning, and Enya playing in the background.
TJH, I know what you mean regarding your nephew. My biggest demon I face is addiction. I often hear “you can’t stay sober for other people!” and I’m sure their is some truth to that. However, sometimes if I need to just through the night (or the next 5 minutes) I’ll remind myself that if I go out in a flame of alcoholic glory everyone in my family will blame themselves. Its hard now but maybe one day I won’t have to play mental tricks in order to stay sain.