Nobody outside the internet knows about my plan to end. I even feel rather bad by writing such to people here because everyone has their own issues. My fsmily thinks I am going to a monastery somewhere.
Have been on these types of sites for years after my first attempt years ago. And many people have suggested many ways to keep living.
And the strongest way it seemed was to help others. However what I learned was that no matter how much I did that, nothing changed. I was glad for them but I needed at least one rational aspect for me to stay.
And I could think of none. But I do thank you here at SP for reading. Here I can express things that have been bottled up for years because everyone I know in reality has accepted the black, white, and the gray for what it is while I still dream of a utopian place where there is no pain and no harm to anyone ever.
Some of you advocates of life may feel I’m weak, cowardly, or similar things. Be my guest. But by choosing to end things on my terms and on my time I feel that it makes me strong. Strong enough to defy destiny and strong enough to defy the universe.
Maybe I will be around tomorrow. Maybe I will not. But I do know that before the end of 2012 I will no longer be here on this earth.
I am grateful to have read people’s stories here and to have corresponded with many of you. It has added to my knowledge and perspective…. even though I have alwasy been a rather free minded person.
Hoping you all have as good as a day that is possible for you individually.
Buenas dias.
5 comments
There are many reasons to stay living… or so ive been told but what they are dont ask me. Someone once suggested to to me that the easiest way is to live in the moment, think nothing about the past and pay no heed to de future… I never managed it personaly but it worth a go
How old are you my friend
I thought you were a good poster here. I believe that when it comes to the more articulate suiciders, the person who knows best what they should do is themself, so I’m confident that you’ll do what’s right for you, and in that I wish you well.
@Procel…
That should help those who still want to live quite a bit.
Great post.
@Noom
Too old to be a young adult and too young to be a senior citizen.
But old enough to know that I am almost past what I see is my mental and physical prime no matter what exercise and nootropic regimen I practice. And having had to care for an elderly relative that is not a condition I want to be in.
@trappedlost
Thank you. And if anyone can find a better path due to my words then that is a good thing. I see a lot of people here who want genuine caring, compnaionship, and relationships rather than death. And if that is the case I think those people should live full lives and be as happy as they can.
U.N.Owen,
From the posts that I have seen you write here, you seem intelligent enough. You know that the only reason to live is that reason which only you can define for yourself. You understand that it is impossible for anyone to “give” you a reason. It has to be your own creation, from within your internal universe, it cannot emerge from outside of yourself. I wish that everyone could find this reason for themselves. I wish that I could do that for myself. And I suppose that most of the people here can’t either, otherwise they would not be contemplating suicide at all.
Wish you well, wish you peace, however that you can find it or define it for yourself.
Peace.