A new start?

ight as well start with a smiling face because im pretty sure i wont end the journal with it once ive finished writing all this , well as the title says where to begin , i guess i should start with positive , i managed to draw Ezio Auditore de firenze  even though i think i messed up slightly with the face and hands , but nobodys perfect , at least now i know what to work on which is a positive XD ……trying to think what else is positive , well ive got my birthday in 11 months lol but its going to be a blast and a night to remember ,but in all fairness all my last birthdays have been a night to remember as i had people i care about around me like my best friends , they are always their for me , and always will be if i don’t mess it up by shutting them out , thats something i need to work on to , i have a habit of shutting people out and it kills me to do it but its routine now , but im sure its one that could be changed , with help 

Talking to one of my best friends now,she’s been there for me non stop , she has stood by my side no matter what as well as the other two aswell , well my friend asked me what im up to so i said thinking and she asked what about , but in all honesty i wasn’t thinking about anything so i replied “nothing in general just thinking which is unusual for me” ever felt like that ? that something is so important , and is going around you head , been going around for days and yet when you go to think about it and try come up with a solution your brain goes dead?

Things are getting better  kind of anyway and if not i have succeed in tricking myself in thinking its all better which would be pretty cool to forget everything just for an hour, for one hour to forget my past and think only of the future and the present , no need for sadness and im going to try , forget everything from my past , put it behind me and get on with my life because this is getting me nowhere , crying because i feel like i cant handle it anymore , staring at a pack of pills every night just to see if temptation is still there and it is but its getting easier  every night i think a little more positive and i begin filling in the hole I’ve dug myself so deep into life gets easier , the days get quieter and the temptations die because that is whats happening each day i begin the accept life and little more , and with that  maybe i can get over all this and put it behind me , a new start to life , a new piece of paper , fingers crossed i wont ruin this one

well this is alot , the most ive opened up about in awhile and i promised myself i would say any of this , show what im feeling , but as my friend says WTC im trying now to fill this hole ive dug , and get on with my life

if you stayed with me all the way through  thanks and i guess i did finish the journal with a smile , just goes to show that opening up really helps