It’s been awhile since I’ve posted…My holiday season was relatively calm..as I took off from work, and was off from school…mostly drama free except the ever present arguments with the asshole I’m forced to relate to as his daughter. But I digress.
School is back in full swing…in addition to more drama at work (seriously, I work with a bunch of 50 year old catty bitches in a freaking cafeteria…)
Needless to say, I’m already stressed the fuck out…looking for jobs, internships, working, going to school, dieting (i have a wedding to attend in june…needing to lose weight), and attempting to maintain my end of relationships. I’ve got so much on my plate it gives me a migraine just thinking about it. Â I’m still seeing a therapist…and I think that this semester (as a time frame for myself) I want to conquer my demons…maybe I can sleep better at night if I am not constantly having nightmares and flashbacks of being sexually harrassed. I don’t even know what my primary purpose in writing this post was…I think I just wanted to ramble on and vent for a little.
I had tried after last semester ended to be placed on anti-anxiety meds, but the one time I mention suicide or depression, my primary care doctor completely flipped out on me and demanded that I be sent to a psychiatric facility (the song “Institutionalized” comes to mind) because I can’t take care of myself, blah blah blah. I’m kind of disappointed that I didn’t get on any meds…maybe if I had been on them I wouldn’t feel like a neurotic mess…You know, I watched the notebook tonight with the intention of “I needed a reason to cry” and yet I still feel like crying…so my stupid brain is literally thinking against my will of reasons that would bring me to tears…even though my Superego (or whichever part of the id,ego,or superego is responsible for) is slapping me silly saying how NOT true my thoughts are. Fuck my head hurts. I could really use a hug…or a drink…or heavy drugs…something to take the edge off.
Stupid question, unrelated to the websites primary purpose…if anyone can give me an intelligent answer I’d appreciate it.
So, I bought some frozen dinners the other day, stashed them in my trunk and went to my dear boyfriends house to do laundry. mmmm…about 3 hours later I get home, realize I forgot to put the frozen dinners in his freezer. I am not sure if they melted all the way or not, but I could smell food. So now they are sitting in my freezer…long story short, my question to the reader(s) is, are they still edible or should I return them?
Anyway…I have to be preparing for a not-s0-exciting day tomorrow…I should at least try to get 5 hours of sleep. I shall return to you tomorrow…hoping to read comments detailing your answer to my question, and some sort of hope. anything to get the edge off.
-unstable.
7 comments
yeah definitly try to avoid the whole “psychiatric ward/ hospital” scene. I ha the joyful experience of it and it was horrible, they watched me use the washroom, shower, etc. Solved nothing. But i love that song institutionalized 🙂
As for those frozen dinners, i think u could still eat them but… Maybe not
yeah definitly try to avoid the whole “psychiatric ward/ hospital” scene. I had the joyful experience of it and it was horrible, they watched me use the washroom, shower, etc. Solved nothing. But i love that song institutionalized 🙂
As for those frozen dinners, i think u could still eat them but… Maybe not
To return the dinners might hurt the next person who bought them, or their child. I’d say see another doctor. Get some anti-anxiety meds. They will help clear all the garbage that rambles around and won’t flush.
BTW, don’t mention being suicidal or the next doctor might not give you a prescription either because he’d be afraid you’d take all the pills at once. Use the prescription as it works for you and it might give you some continued relief.
I know want it’s like to need rest from this world of poor values and hurried lives that spins our minds crazy. I still need lots of rest, and I’m in my 60s.
One more thing… My doctor gave me lorazapam, which can be taken in low doses, just to take the edge off. He told me that if I was getting “high”, I was taking too much.
Good Morning Unstable,
I made a decision myself yesterday about asking for tranqs again…have not needed them for almost 20 years….but like you I find myself really overwhelmed right now. I don’t know what country you are in …..Canada myself….but I can just go to my MD and get the scrip…..I just tell him I need a little something to help for a wee while. I actually have old scrips in my medicine chest….seriously haven’t needed them….but sometimes they help….keep me on focus….level me out some….for me it is the only med that helps….because I am emotionally ill, not mentally ill….but emotional illness can lead to mental illness….and I’m not going there….so 1 mg. of Ativan(Lorazepam), twice a day….and relief…..long enough to get my ducks in a row….and will help me get through the tough stuff I am dealing with….I only have one big trauma to go….but this is the one I am most afraid of…..
I just find with something to take the edge off the rage and anxiety….the depression almost disappears…..but SSRI’s never worked and don’t work for many people….just saying.
I am 50 myself….and this is lifelong for me….but the reason I am still here at all…..sexual assault counselling…not psychiatric. Is there nothing like this where you are?….they were the best…real women…not men…sorry…most with pasts of their own…and they listen and guide…no nosy questions about family of origin issues….or what does fear taste like?….stoopid effin’ questions…lol…no fear of incarceration or hospitalization….no drugs prescribed….and no judgement passed….they saved a sorry wretch like me. They did not fix me….I must do that….but they did give me the tools I need to do the work. But me….I have half a century of stinkin thinkin to overcome….but I am.
I hope something turns around for you….don’t quit looking…it’s never too late to start over again…..I have.
Blessed Be
Amakua
Thanks everyone. I’ll do some research on the meds and going to another doctor…I had primarily gone so I could gain some control over my physical symptoms…even when i am emotionally stable I have the physical symptoms of an anxiety attack for no apparent reason…
And as far as the froze food goes, if I return them they won’t resale the items…it’s against their policy.
Hope y’all are doing better than I am today. <3