Hi this is the person in love with his cousin

Had a dream about another random girl generated in my head that may have been someone I saw at school. All that i can say about her is that she was really cute all around and she liked me and she seemed about 1-3 years younger than me. 

I was sitting, waiting for my 4th period class and I wasn’t doing anything when the dream began. Someone pointed out to me that some girl wanted to talk to me. I saw a girl sitting with her friend and her friends boyfriend. She had straight brown hair, a tie-dye white shirt and blue skinny jeans. I asked the guy who where to go either the class up ahead or the girl and he said,”what do you think?” 

I shrugged and walked up to the girl and she looked back at me with pretty brown eyes and she moved a little to give me a seat. I sat down and (my memory is fuzzy due to a very talkative teacher who kept explaining the similarities which were obvious between photosynthesis and respiration.) (As it’s a dream, there are many random occurrences) Two guys kissed each other as they were dating the friend or something similar to that and the friend asked if I wanted to do it too. I denied, and then, (my favorite part), she kissed me, it felt so real and even as I think of it I feel something in my heart, a yearning for a kiss so sweet. She then told me to go up to some guy in the classroom and as I came back to ask her her name and maybe steal another wonderful kiss, my dream blacked out and I awoke. 

Analysis: I seem to always want a relationship with a cute girl. I have been told that I can have relationships after high school, but the problem is,” What if I want a relationship really badly, one with a cute girl, or very beautiful, or else it will end badly with my first relationship. (somewhat cute but bulky, fat) I have dreamt and wanted a relationship, it’s eating at me, feeding my depression and whatever, and I don’t see the rules of dating after high school instead of now apply. 

Aftermath: I have had a sense of yearning for a girlfriend, and I hope if I were to get the damn courage and ability to ask a girl out and kiss her and whatever. I can’t though, I have had long hair for a while and now, I am going to cut my hair that’s left on my head. I may post on OSP a pic of myself with long hair and then without. 

Well, now I want that dream again, because I know i won’t get a girlfriend anytime soon. I hope that I can, but until I do anything, I will make myself more appealing to everyone else rather than what I like, because I can’t even maintain my hairstyle. What a waste…

That kiss, felt realistic, or just the feeling I got from kissing that girl, I guess was so amazing. 

Anger and irritation setting in. I never feel “bipolar” at my dads house or at school. And some assholes throwing shit at me. Pissing me off. Too bad I hide my feelings inside. Probably going to post this on OSP soon. Since I want feedback on the dream. Sorry I keep writing random shit. It’s 9:47 AM on thursday and I just want It to be 9:55 so we can leave for nutrition break and get the routine back to normal. (Buy PB&J, and water, get US History book, go sit outside class.)