Ok..my day was going good, until I walked into a restaurant and saw my ex husbands family. It shouldn’t bother me, knowing they were not the ones hurting me..but of course it still ruined my day. I know in my heart that ive loved all I can..tried the best I can so why can I not get over the feeling of betrayel and sadness. Ive worked all my life..never went on vacation unless I paid for it myself. Took my ex a few places..even out of the country but he never wanted to take his family anywhere..including mcdonalds. His girlfriend and him would keep me prisoner in his home..would laugh about not giving us any food for dinner. He made it clear he wanted nothing to do with us..beat me in the bathroom..wouldn’t allow me to call for help..blood all over the floor, black eye. He had his buddy come over and they would pin me down acting like they were going to rape me. Yes, both of them..touching me all over with me screaming and telling them to stop. Yes, all this happened with my kids upstairs asleep. If I could just get over the pain..but how to live the rest of my life knowing I cant live alone because ive been raped in my past. I cant live with another man cause I’m scared of them..but I want to be protected. Even cops can be terriffying though. When I had a home, a job and noone else in my life..I lived with no fear and completely happy. Then I got married to share my happiness and he took every happiness away from me. Now I’m homeless with 3 kids and the only people I have in my life is my parents. I really hate men and I’m not attracted to women so I need to know how to get over all the pain. Help….
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Chrissie…I know the feeling of seeing the x-family. They aren’t the ones that brought me to where I am, not at first at least, but it still hurts bad seeing them. I am very sorry for the life you suffered while married. That is so wrong and in time those that have harmed you will get what’s coming to them. I know its hard to trust a man again because of your past but there are still gentle, kind hearted men out there that will touch you out of love and respect. You have every right to be doubt that. Someone will find you when you really really need it the most. Maybe if you didn’t watch basketball you could find someone. (That’s a joke from last night…lol. remember?) Hope you find a way to have a better day 🙂
Thanks..I only watch Kentucky basketball because its how I was raised..I couldn’t ever play basketball..I did it for 1 yr in school growing up and I broke my finger and those tall girls shoved their elbows in my chest and it really hurt so I went with cheering and dancing..and I guess that all ended whenever I moved away more than likely because my dance instructor was getting a little to friendly at the age of 12. So sports went out the window. Around 14 was when I met my ex husband..I thought he was so smart and he worked really hard. At 19 we got married but divorced a month later because he beat me, cheated on me..was into a lot of drugs. We ended up back together when I was 28..I thought he grew up and he wasn’t doing drugs anymore. He made promises but he didn’t change..I should have known better. It was hell..well the sex was good but the last 3 yrs was hell. I’m 34 now..I don’t care who reads this..ive always been honest but I don’t ever talk to anyone really about what has happened in my life cause I never want to hurt people by telling them the truth..I got on this site..looks like a lot of people on here tell the truth so maybe it will make me feel better..I know noone really cares..I’m sure they want to care but there’s so many people out there with more problems than me..so I think why should I sometimes. Hearing about everyones problems can put stress on other people and that is not what I want to do.
You are right….there are a lot more people that have bigger problems than you do. But your problems are much bigger than mine for sure. Don’t forget no matter what the problem or what size you think it is….well its still something that is affecting your chance at a happy life. No one will say you are not worth it. Everyone here is looking for someone to say they understand. We all just want to not feel so alone. It doesn’t matter what brought us all here. What matters is we are all here for each other. Keep posting and tell the truth. It helps free your mind some. Wish you the best.
Yeah..I’m sorry..I know its not about me..its really about taking care of my kids..I would do anything for them. I guess that’s why I married him again. He made it sound good but love to him was just about controlling everything I did..beat me if I didn’t have the towels clean when he came home. Beat me in the middle of the night while i was sleeping because he wanted me to fix him something to eat. Beat me because I made dinner and if he didn’t like what I fixed, he would yell while we ate at the dinner table while he made him something else to eat. It continued being like that until he wouldn’t even come home some nights. He would time me when id go to the grocery store..if I was gone an hour..he’d beat me for that..telling me I was a whore and asking me who I was with..I paid for all the groceries that I worked for. He never took us out anywhere..when I told his family what he was doing..they would talk to him but it didn’t change nothing. They started telling me if I said anything that they would take my kids away. Threatening me..telling me oh he’s had a rough life..shit what about mine..what about my kids. My ex would say don’t shit on the hands that feed you..I was feeding him and my kids..I got out of there thank God for that. It just really messed me up..going through all that again. I’m sorry for whatever has happened with you & I wish the best for you as well.
I was with a girl for a year that was exactly like you. Same situation. It’s hard when you have a kids with someone like that….you just want it to work and do what you have to to make it work. I’m glad you are out of there. You don’t and didn’t deserve that. You can never go back so something like that ever again. Its a tough life you had and fortunately for you, you know what you don’t want now. Someone will find you and treat you the way a women should be treated. Hold on….it will happen.
nicely said MW … second that.