bad friends.

I texted one my of my “friends” this morning, even though I was mad at him because he can’t seem to ever find time for me.  He doesn’t respond to texts, never calls me even when he says he will, and those rare times he does manage to call me he can never seem to stay on the phone long, always something like “oh my friend is here” or “my ride is here.”  I was hoping that maybe he could somehow find time to call me today.  After I text him he tries to call me but since I’m in class I can’t answer it, so he leaves a message.  After class I listen to the message and he actually has the audacity to say “I’m sorry but I just can’t be available to you 24/7.”

Basically, I’m done with him.  I told him so, and told him why, but apparently this is just me “lashing out” and he doesn’t think he’s been a bad friend at all.  I hate this.  This kind of fucking thing always happens to me.  I’m always a good friend, even when the other person may not be, but if I ever decide to vocalize my complaint then suddenly I’m the one who is at fault.  Even worse, is that me deciding not to talk to him anymore doesn’t affect him in the slightest but to me, it hurts, because I essentially don’t have any friends, and however rare his phone calls or texts were, it was better than nothing.

I hate being alone all the time.  I just don’t know what to do with myself.  I’m not in a mental state where I can really do homework and there’s nothing I actually want to do, so most of the time it’s just me sitting in my room, alone, wishing I were dead.