So my last post here was this one
http://suicideproject.org/2011/11/tonights-the-night-i-guess/
Long story short, after writing that, I waited until midnight, walked out to the Golden Gate Bridge, looked over the railing, and got ready to jump. I waited until midnight because I didn’t want anyone to actually see me die, and I know that security around there tends to watch out for any potential jumpers. Anyways, so I’m standing there, trying to talk myself into finally ending it all, when some bicyclist on the other side of the bridge yells over “Hey! What the fuck are you doing?!”. Or something to that effect anyways.
I looked over at him, realized I didn’t want to jump with this dude just gazing at me, so I ran away thinking I’d wait another hour or something. While I was running I noticed a bunch of signs advertising the suicide hotline, so I figured while i waited I’d give them a call.
Another long story short, the woman on the line convinced me that even though the life I was living was making me want to kill myself, it’s never too late to start over from scratch. So with absolutely nothing on me except my wallet with my ID, $5, and my cell phone, I started living on the streets for a bit begging for spare change and sleeping on street corners/parks. Eventually I got acquainted with some guys in Occupy SF and started living in their camp. I even got pretty involved with some demonstrations/direct actions. Then when that camp folded, I squatted in an abandoned apartment complex with a few friends for about a month, and got a job.
We actually ended up getting kicked out of there, but I got lucky and was able to locate/get into this shelter-transitional housing program for people around my age (the guys I was squatting with are now hitchhiking to New Orleans to get there in time for Mardi Gras). So now I’m working, saving up money to get back into school, have a close knit group of friends that I hang out with regularly (something I haven’t really had my whole life), and am seeing a therapist who’s helping me get through some of my other issues. Back when I wrote that first post, I never thought it’d be possible for me to actually be…happy. But that’s exactly how I am right now. So I guess what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know what kind of situations the rest of you might be in, but there’s always something you can do (even if you have to do something drastic) to find some satisfaction in your life.
Oh, and I guess I’ll share this song since it kind of fits with what I’m trying to say here…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7rBCAB5Jews
4 comments
It is great that you found something that has brought you happiness.
Thank you for sharing and hopefully it helps those on here who want to live.
Wow. I so loved that you returned to share some specifics of how bit by bit you are building a life.
thanks for the update. I was surprised to see that I had commented on your other post.
Yeah, your friends said you were a piece of shit, and you tried to prove them that you were.
So, what now ! You have proved instead you aren’t. And humility is indeed very hard for most to learn, but you did it.
Also you were there to prove that to beg is not pathetic at all as one shall think shortsightedly, but a little money well-utilized for the time being, and that’s gonna repay to the society in 10-folds, 100-folds.
Salute !!
btw, The cyclist who “fuck” your shit, do not forget that, and be thankful.
I wish you best of lucks !