Well, As it began, I was such a fool. Trying to impress the likes of you. You were sixteen years old and I was merely Thirteen. My heart was cold and my eyes were dull. My wrists were cut and my spirits were gone. Â I was a zombie. Simple as that.
One day, I saw your name on the internet, and..something drove me to look. I talked to you for a month.. During which we were the best of friends.. You were hospitalized in Florida. And I was alone in Alabama. When you got out of the place, you came back to my town (where you lived) and planned to meet me soon. I already knew I loved you. but i didnt trust my feelings yet so i waited..
Then one day, a man began talking to me and telling me you loved me.. then you told the truth. and i loved you too.
We were happy for a long time.. My eyes were no longer dull. They shimmered with happiness and love for you and only you. Many months passed and my heart was swollen with joy. Every passing moment was heaven.
Then one November day, you left me for a girl named Lois.. my heart was in immense pain.
When she tired of you, you came back to me. I held open arms.
When once again you left me for a new girl named Lizzy, I began to cut myself again.. slices upon my wrist going up, down, left, and right. I remember the blood oozing down my arm.
When she wanted someone new, she left you and once again you came back to my arms. The pain from those days never really receded. My eyes showed pain and hurtful memories. I still held you and loved you as if you had never left me.
I gave you everything you wanted, no questions asked. Money, Presents, Flowers, Obeyed your rules, Gave up my few friends, Sex, Love, Affection, Attention, Care, everything…
But you left me once again..
This time for a girl named Jenny…
Then i cut my throat and face and legs…
Then you came back.. and I foolishly let you back into my arms.
Later, you left once again for Danielle…
Why must i love you at all?
I’ve lost everything else in my life.. Your what I’ve held onto. to keep me alive…
You came back.. Your with me now.. But my pain is overwhelming me..
You verbally abuse me and I still give you everything..
Our song was “Yellow” by Coldplay..
Remember those days when you really loved me??
That’s what the song reminds me of… <//3
It’s been a year and a half of your abuse and pain and love and hurt and tears and sex and life..
Look at me now
7 comments
i am with you on this. i don’t understand how someone can treat you like that after all they go through they don’t realize that they have an amazing person who cares for them with open arms all the time. the other girls just want him for something new like you said.
i hope everything gets better in some way.
as like me, i am going though some boy problems but sometimes i ask myself if it’s worth all the pain.. maybe if you let go you will feel happier. it is hard to think about it when you think that w.o being w. them you won’t be happy.
but leaving someone and meeting friends, going out.. etc.
you are young and i believe in you. i may not know you but i know you can. there are so many opportunities for you.
but i am not trying to say not to be with him. all i am saying is to think if it’s worth the stress/pain .
good luck.
Hey, I understand you because I live almost everything you said.
I think this kind of love is like sickness, like an adiction: You can’t leave it, but it kills you slowly.
That burns you slowly. This consumes me too much. This only can gets worse. Do not let it end with you.
I’m here if you want to talk.
Take care of you.
My ex girlfriend used to do this to me. Things have gotten better but I still cry myself to sleep when we’re not on the phone. She says she loves me but tries to push herself onto other girls so she won’t be reminded of the love we had and how she still feels the same for me as I do for her. I’m not sure what to tell you.
I can’t say to stop letting them back because I still do that.
And I know it hurts to have them say they love you then leave you. In the end you just have to think and realize if they’re good enough for the pain and if so continue to love them and show you’re still there. But if not, which is what it seems like, you need to let them go for the sake of your sanity. Slitting your throat seems painful to me and I’m the kind of girl that cuts her wrists just for fun, I learned that it’s not ‘cutting yourself’ if they’re just paper cuts. But that will never go away unless you make the choice and deal with it yourself.
Fawk … 4 times he f*wked you over and you’re still with him? (sorry for the language)
At this point I’m not even mad at the dude…(BUT AT YOU)!!!! c’mon girl … -_-
We’ve got his pic; now tell us where the fucker lives.
That’s how he’d be done if you were a ‘goodfriend’ with our people. Then we would hunt the little fucker down and give him the beat of his life. If I was there I would be the one standing in back watching, making sure everything was ‘cool’ (I’m the peaceful and calm one). I’m sure I would creep up though and give him a nice and clean knee-blow to the body to make sure hes’ had ‘enough’. Then when he’s one the ground one of us would pimp-slap him like ************ to let him know that he’s a *****. When he’s had enough and helpess on the ground thinking that it’s over, out of nowhere the crazy-head (there’s always a crazy head; he’s the one that usually ends up in jail for a long long time) pop jumps over the dude and foot-stomp-bone-crack his ribs. Finally we’d end it by saying something like ‘If you ever lay an eye on her again we’d break your fucken leg next time; fawken slut’.
But before all of that, you would of gotten a beat down yourself; done by someone that’s closest to you like your older brother or even maybe by an older head that’s close to you. Most likely you’d get the shit slap out of you as you’re covering your sorry self while getting verbally abused saying how fucken stupid you are and blah blah blah; the tough love treatment. Then you’d come out of it a tougher and smarter person.
Eeh, that’s back in the day talking though.. (things are… different now) anyways…
…you’re 13 and he’s 16? And he’s f**ked you over 4 times?!?! The dude is a fucken slut. He doesn’t love you, he loves your @#$%@#%#@!!! Dump his ass! Please! Then make new friends, the good kind, the nice and quiet ones (girl/boy/whatever), the ones that won’t fuck you over; you must be picky.. that’s the only way.
Iono, hopefully the next time you have some news, it’d be that you dumped the fucker.
and… im saying all this because.. I care.. so girl please! Stand up for yourself! And put an end to this sh!3t!!!!!!! >=O
=)
That’s a good song by the way, (too bad im even too fawked up to just sit down and simply enjoy music)….
And also, you are a very talented writer ^^
Peace out.
Thanks.
not so calm and peaceful was I … that’s why i should just stay quiet =x
I apologize for this stupid burst *bows down* -_-
Its fine. At least i know im not delusional. Thank you, really.