It’s 1:32am and I needed somewhere to put my thoughts. Kaynight.

Did you guys ever have that one person you always thought would be there for you? Like a lover or relative. Well mine was my best friend. He held me for half an hour while I soaked his shoulder in tears when I told him about my cutting. Hes promised me the world and a bright future. His names Jacob. See, Jacob and I, we have been through a lot in the last few months but somehow we always found our way back to eachother. The last fight we got into, when i told him never to talk to me again, he said “fine. but just think about everything weve been through. think about us.” from that moment on I knew he was special. Well, since that time, I’ve decided he was really special because now I think I’m pregnant. And hes the dad. And I’m scared as hell. The thing is though, guys (if you’re even still reading this), when I told him, his first reaction was “oh shit”. Alright, cool, Jacob, you’re real helpful you know that? I’m not writing this to bag on him. Im just really sad. I know this is big news but how could you leave me right now? You were there the night my parents wouldn’t stop fighting. You were there the night I wanted to run away. You were there the first time I cut. Why not now? Dude, I need you now more than ever. I can’t go through this alone and what better person to help me than the father and my best friend?I know it’s a lot to take in and I’m sorry for springing it on you. I understand you need time to process it all but “fuck it, I’m done”? Really? Thanks, man. Some best friend you are. Call me crazy but when you said you’d always be here for me, I thought you meant it. And all the “I love you”s? Were those just a joke too? I’m sad now. Really sad because it’s all over between us before it even had a chance to start.