Its a long list dedicated to the people who ruined Â any chance of happiness for me..
To the Â guy who raped me at a party where i drank to much then denied it, then continued to harass me and put me in situations where im just as vulnerable.
To the guy who i dated for 2 years, told everything to, then who told everyone.
To the girl who fed my addiction, taught me about cutting, bought me a razor, and ever since the first time i’ve did it, i’ve done it every single night since.
To the ex best friend who left me in my most desperate state.
To my aunt, for teaching me how to binge and purge, being there when i first did it.
To my stepdad, the most controlling bastard who will never be my dad.
To the girl i first fell for, and am still falling for, who let me down as hard as possible.
To my uncle, for inappropriately touching me in 2nd grade.
But mostly, Â to my actual dad. For abandoning me for meth when i was only 3 Â years old. visiting when i was 7, raping me then. disappearing. All for drugs.
But also to myself. For allowing this to all happen. For never saying anything. For wanting help, but never knowing how to get it. For destroying my arms and hips and legs with a razor. For almost overdosing, leaving my younger sister to find me. For everything. I blame it all on me. I couldve done something right?