I’ve decided to do it. You’ve all heard my story. I appreciate all the positive comments I’ve gotten. You all are so much stronger than I am. I’m going to a much better place. One where there is no pain or hate, no judgement. Only void. I’m going to join my best friend. To join My ex. To join All the others who saw this world for the horrible damned place that it is. Those of you who still believe in hell, even if I go there, I’ll be happier than I will be living here. To my parents who will find this while invading my privacy for the last time, go fuck yourselves you idiots, I hope you make each other as miserable as youve made me you arrogant neglectful racist assholes. To my living ex, go fuck yourself you stupid whore, I hope you get what’s coming to you. To my remaining friends and family, stay strong. To all of you here, don’t give up. There’s hope for you. Just not for me. Adios, adieu, and goodbye.
-ryan
5 comments
Ryan, I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I am sure you are in a terrible place right now. You know how much hurt your ex and friend have caused you to feel when they took their own lives. It is truly never that bad. My step father took his life 6 years ago. Leaving behind my 12 year old brother. It was the worst thing I’ve ever been through. I often think about how wonderful his life would be today. How he just threw it away, because of a moment of depression mixed with legal problems and addictions. I hope you change your mind. You sound young, and there is so much ahead for you! You will have so many more successful relationships throughout your life worth living for! I know how you feel regarding parents. I also had bad ones. It sucks having no parental support, but none of that matters now that I’ve created my own family. I actually found this site because I googled “why am I never happy.” I spend all my life pleasing others, never pleasing myself. Maybe you are a little like that too and that may add to your misery. I hope you change your mind. You sound like a wonderful, intelligent young man. I’d hate for your loved ones to go through the loss you and I have both been through. Hang in there. There are plenty more like me out there, and we are all there for you! With love,
Gillian
Please don’t do this. There is no relief in it. There is relief out here
I’m here.
I survived last night, and 3 yrs ago, and 4th of July with blood clots in ma brain, and 10 th grade with the pills in the bathroom, and 7th grade…I’m 27 and I’m still here
Are you?