I dont understand why I can never let myself succeed. Why do I always have to sabotage everything for myself? Why cant I ever behave like a normal person? Why do I always fucking ruin everything, and why cant the voices in my head ever shut the fuck up.
I want to call my psychiatrist tomorrow for a new appointment. Havent been there in three months. But I don’t want to call her. She always keeps going about the weed and she said I need rehab first before we could solve my other problems, because I’m too dependant on the weed. I DONT want to quit smoking. And I wont.
Why would I even be trying to get better? Who would I help with staying alive? I’m just a burden to everyone, and I dont want to be. I dont want to be crazy anymore. I would love to now how it feels to be happy. I dont want to die. But I really dont want to be alive anymore.
No, Im not gonna call her.
I’ll just wait till I ruin the most important test I ever had in my life tomorrow, yeey for selfsabotaging.