What happened to us? What happened to the world? Why is this site filled with  so many of us technically healthy people trying to destroy ourselves?
But do we blame the world? Or do we blame ourselves? Am I depressed thanks to unbalanced serotonin? Am I suicidal because depression’s genetic and mine is confusing? Do we blame science? Do we blame society? Do we blame each other? Is it the fault 0f previous generations? Did our parents feel this way? Is it normal for a teenager to feel tired of living?
So many questions surround this topic, and it seems to me that the core question of this page is basically ‘Live or Die’.
I suppose that’s the ultimate question really. Do we have the will to fight and survive, or to fight and die? Do we have the confidence to end it for ourselves or do we wait for it to end? Everything asked seems to trace back to ‘life or death’.
Thing is, neither option appeals to me particularly. In life we are simply stuck. Everything ends eventually, and it seems we’re just wandering the Earth and waiting to die, all whilst trying to get answers. Life is basically just the lead-up to death. So what’s the point?
And death? Death is just death. I don’t believe in an afterlife or Heaven or any of that, but I don’t think we can just disappear and stop being entirely. That just seems impossible. Yeah, in death we’re gone from life, but what the fuck follows life? Because I just can’t imagine that death goes anywhere or does anything to change the fact that this was all a massive waste of time. To me, death is just being stuck in one state for eternity.
And if life’s leading up to death, and death’s leading up to nothing- what’s the point in anything at all?
I don’t want to live and I don’t want to die. I just want to not be here, does that even make sense?
It’s just nothing. There’s nothing left. I feel like we’re all just stuck in this life of insecurity awaiting our eternity of monotony.
I get what people mean when they say “What about those moments when you feel alive? Surely they’re worth living for”. I’m sure that almost everyone has those moments. Those moments where we’re infinite, invincible, fearless, afraid and happy all at the same time. And those moments are great, they truly are. But even so, how do you guarantee there’ll be another moment like that, or that there won’t be? It’s all just so confusing and uncertain. I don’t want all this uncertainty or this mess, and that’s life. Life is messy, and people say that it’s worthwhile despite that, and that happiness is when you look past what’s wrong and see only what’s right.
But what if you can’t do that? What if you feel that the moments of being alive still don’t outweigh painful monotony of life itself? What if you feel dead inside already?
I like the word existence, it’s far more appropriate for me than life. I just don’t feel that it’s life if we don’t feel alive. I’m existing and I’m surviving, but I don’t feel like I’m living. So is this a life or is it an existence?
Sorry about my rambles and all my questions, but if anyone has any answers for me, please share because I want to know how others feel about this.
8 comments
I’m existing too.
Who do I blame? Me. Yes… I could probably make a fair argument that some environmental variables didn’t set me up… and that I was treated unfairly… and that I won a few battles but lost the war. Ultimately, I made the decisions that, long story short, resulted in me doing a Google search where I wound up here. Can science account for some of it? I’m certain that it could. But the reason I wound up at this site is because, at the end of the day, it’s just me. Science isn’t looking in the mirror and neither is any excuse that I could offer… It’s just me looking in the mirror and it’s just me sitting here in the situation that I put myself in.
For most people, the purpose of living life boils down to what they experience during their time on the planet. Life is often enjoyable… and even though it always ends up in death… the experiences between life and death are often wonderful. They have a sense of purpose based upon their particular experiences. I haven’t had those experiences… and while I’m struggling it would be difficult for me to tell you what my specific purpose of living is. I haven’t found it. In many ways, I have much more hope for others than for myself.
Yeah, I mostly blame myself as well, cause my brokenness just doesn’t make logical sense, because on paper my life’s perfect.
I got here from a Google Search as well! I searched ‘I want to disappear’ and was linked to this page. I’m happy to have found this though, it feels good to get my confusion and depression out and to people who understand and can relate.
I’m the same as you about more hope for others, I genuinely want to help other people, and I sometimes give paragraphs and paragraphs of solid advice to people with depression and stuff on Yahoo Answers, and I’m good at that and have had lots of votes and stuff. However, my own advice doesn’t work on me.
I suppose the only real answers to my questions are that the world is screwed up and so am I. I’m taking Philosophy and Psychology next year, so I might find myself some answers! Thank you for replying to my post 🙂
Whats the point of our existance, well in science terms, single cell organisms have one purpose, to reproduce and dublicate and survive, we are just a large collection of single cell organism’s working togeather. And so we have the same goal in life as all living things do, just like the grass and the fish and the noble honey bees, be exist to breed.
Outside of breeding, we have no real purpose, its sad, but true.
Its best not to dwell on things like this, or any of the questions you asked really, unless you have an IQ of over 200, i doubt you or I will be answering any of them.
Peace 🙂
If you going studing Philosophy, am i recomend you start with Alan Watts.
This is going to sound stupid, but I blame the society. These days anyone can survive no matter how weak or broken they would be.. In the past only strong survived.
I don’t know is this just me, but when I look different families I always notice something. Gifted parents have gifted kids. My parents are pretty much losers in many ways, and I am even worse.
Well.. At least for my part I won’t be having kids. I don’t even care to think how bad they would be…
I just wish euthanasia would be more accepted in society…
NotReallyHereAtAll,
I’ve just come up with a conclusion of explaining this world, and then I saw your post.
And I don’t know if I should tell the ugly truth that might hurt the evils and “all” those acclaimed “eternally” sacred humans.
Instead, I’ll answer this, rather than a whole page to explain.
The “good” people are supposed to be righteously “living” in a way to “die” that could lead to “escape” from this world “eternally”.
And suicide, greed, hate, envy are to “blame”, for which leading us “eternally” to suffering on Earth.
And we are not able enough to “save” the world, but ourself.
And noone can save you, not even God shall, only you can.
As people or gods could save you just some days, but you can save for your eternity !
And it’s true that “ignorance is bliss” for bad people to live eternally happy on Earth.
Thing is, fireflieslite, I do understand the world. I understand that it’s filled with both good people and bad people. I understand that many find purpose in their lives. I understand that many find a God or some kind of religion. But what about the non-believers? What about those of us still searching for purpose, meaning an significance? What about those of us who don’t want to be saved by anyone, ourselves or by a God we don’t believe in? What about those of us who have fallen and are broken by nothing visible? What about those of us who are just sad for no reason? What about those of us who want the truth- ugly or otherwise? Surely suicide is a product of the suffering on this Earth rather than a cause of it? Are there answers to those questions at all?