Today was one of the weirdest days of my life. I have been depressed since I was 10 years old. I’m 14 right now. I have attempted suicide 4 times. I have tried to drown myself, I have thrown myself down stairs trying to break my neck, I have tried strangling myself, and I have taken 15 pills. Today, I was bickering with my boyfriend John all day. We argued over him eating, me eating, and me cutting myself. First time we argued it wasn’t that bad. Then I told him that I was craving blood. He didn’t quite understand. So then I went upstairs to cut my arm just a little bit so I could drink the blood. John asked me what I was doing and I told him that I was cutting myself. ( He told me to tell him everytime I did something that would hurt me.) Well I told him and he said that he was disappointed in me. I was like Really? That’s one of the worst things you could ever say to me. Why would you do that? Then he said, “I only speak the truth. Please just calm down.” I hate being told to calm down, it just makes me more mad. So I said,” Well I’m not going to calm down. You just really pissed me off.” So he said, “Fine, text me when you do calm down. Goodbye” So I thought. I already cut my arm, I might as well do something to get revenge (that’s just the kind of person I am. But I really would never do anything to disappoint someone. I just do something then never really follow it through.) Well, I took a pair of scissors and cut his name JOHN into my leg and drank the blood that came out. I took a pic of it. I was going to send the pic to him but I just couldn’t do it because I realized just how much I really love him. So instead of doing that I just sent him a really long text about how I feel and we talked it through. But I think that I might be a depressed vampire…for realzzz
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2 comments
No, cutting isn’t really the same behavior as suicide and drinking your own blood isnt really the same as vampirism.
But you are describing symptoms of depression.
You sound like you could use someone to talk to who isn’t your boyfriend.
We call these trusted caring available listeners, Mentors.
Peace
I can understand the confusion and the thought that you may be a vampire.
Simply put, vampirism does not deal in hurting yourself and drinking the blood
for sustenance mainly because that is not how it works, my dear.
I used to be where you are when I was your age, but the only difference
was that I didn’t think that I was a vampire. I didn’t label myself. I thought that I was managing my emotions but in all reality, it wasn’t doing anything to deal with the emotions and instead of facing them, I was running from them and muffling their influence with pain.
Like The Guardian had said, you seem to be in need for someone to vent to and there are always people available somewhere to hear you out and refrain from judging. Don’t be so quick to label yourself because it will do nothing more than
to set things against you in being yourself, love. Take care.