My Life is… Confusing?

Honestly I don’t know what it is. My mother smokes and drinks and hangs with her boyfriend most of the time, my dad smokes and drink way less but he’s always making me feel small and weak, my grandmother, moms mom, is somewhat supportive but also negative. My other grandmother is a complete b**** most of the time, and I live with her! What’s up with that? Not like I want to leave the world but everywhere I’ve gone I never felt like ‘this is home.’ I had ONE home from all I’ve been to and thats where I just moved from. The only place that felt like home to me. Where I was so safe walking home alone at 9:30 at night, and is dark and about to rain, didn’t really scare me. I’m so scared. I have three options: Stay with my dad, my mom, or move with my grandmother and brothers. I don’t want to really live with ANY of them. I want my own ways, or at the very least someone to listen to me. I’m 15 and too young to raise myself but with my dad it’s a freaking ‘I’m the adult, you’re the kid’ rule and I get it but when I say something he doesn’t like or approve of he tells me ‘shut up.’ or ‘wait, why am I arguing with a kid.’ I just cut him off and say forget it. I want to tell him ‘go suck a d*** and shut up.’ Now I’ve been mad before but how I feel is to a point where I’m not destroying things to control myself. My book, glasses, and old phone died from my destruction and anger. I used to be able to control myself and never get angry, now I cry and get angry at the slightest irritation. I used to play the violin, now I’m banned from one because ‘it’s too loud.’ Tough luck dad, he’s gonna HAVE to get me one for next year or buy me a piano and piano lessons. A piano and piano lessons will cost more and take longer than it does to get my a freaking violin. I used to go outside every day, now I’m inside because it’s boring as air here. It’s like old people united here! I used to never be bored with T.V., playing my violin, laptop, PSP, and books and now all of this bores me! I am so bored I think of suicide and hate and everything bad. I can’t think good. Family isn’t family, friends are the closest family I get to I guess. Honestly I don’t know what to do but grab something and die. I really don’t know.