Okay, so it’s been this bad for a year now. Everytime I look on the mirror I feel sick with frustration of why I have to look the way I do. Everytime someone would call me ugly or fat I would just laugh. Wishing that they would like me so they won’t have to hurt me ever again.
I’ve had my boyfriend for one year now. He is the est thing which could of ever happened to me. He’s so beautiful and smart. But I’ve even so hurt in the past I feel so jealose. Not like normal jealosey, because everytime he looks in the direction of another girl I just want to hurt myself. My heart starts beating rapidly and my breath escapes me faster then a split second. Does he not love me? Is it because of my ugly, fat body? He doesn’t understan these thoughts. We argue everyday of our lives and every day it pushes me closer and closer to the edge. I’m hurting so much. It’s a physical pain in my heart I can’t even try to explain. One of the boys which bully’s me showed him a picture of a naked skinny-big boobed girl in our year out of unreasoned spite towards me and my heart broke. Everything I’ve ever wanted to be in one picture and everything I’ll never be. When he looked at it I craved to just jump. Jump from anything high enough to halt every living painful memory and rest. It hurts. It’s agonising. Feeling so worthless. I just want to be happy. But who am I? I’m nothing. He’s everything I have and he’s left me and said sorry over and over again which is only wearing my heart down more. I’ve never known pain like this. I love him. But look at me.. Who the fu** am I? Who the fu** am I ever going to be? Apart from pain and ugliness.
4 comments
Chill the fuck out. Your being too clingy, most guys hate that. Also bleeping out fuck doesn’t matter much. Fu** f*ck. Um… -_- I forgot what I was going to say.
Dear 5548
I think you are basing your perception of yourself, as how others see and treat you. You have to understand that in this world, no one will know you better than yourself and if you give in to what others say to you, you will be defeated. Talk to yourself, tell yourself you’re strong, because no one else will. You have to stop being attached to how others see you and live for yourself, because if you don’t, you live a lie. You are strong, everyone is, but you need to dig deep and find that impulse to prosper rather than torment yourself.
My email is outerhaven.bb@gmail.com … if you wish to discuss anything regarding the troubles you are facing, you’re more than welcome to talk to me, i will listen, i am your friend. though i have not met you, i am a philanthropist and i believe in humanity and the positivity that human connection has in healing this dark world we’ve crafted. I’m a 17 year old male. Thank you
Oy…flawed thinking babe. Instead of looking in the mirror and telling yourself that…choose to eat a piece of fruit, and go for a walk and focus on things that allow you to feel better about you. What others say about you is none of your business so don’t worry about it…if it doesn’t help you in any way why place your attention on it…you only need be concerned about how you feel about YOU. When you make a decision about that practice, practice, practice good feeling thoughts. Do it as an experiment and you’ll find you change your own mind about YOU. If I can, you can. It’s all in your head. Go visit a hospital ward with cancer patients or people who are in all sorts of physical trauma and you’ll quickly adopt a grateful attitude about yourself and discover you have it pretty amazing.
Good advice soft soul,
I wrote 3 posts on here to help you understand the pain you feel;
the Voice
the Children of Earth
the Black Velvet Curtain
Read them and tell me what you think?
Peace