I’ve never posted on this site, but this is relatively long. I’m just venting I guess.
If you care to read it all, thanks.
I’m quite tired of life.
I have been looking for a purpose to it, but have found nothing.
We live in a very fucked up world where everyone judges each other.
My best friend who was very very close to me took her life when she was just 14.
She was lesbian and no one understood what she was going through.
I am an 18 year old man and I too am gay.
I can’t stand being alive anymore.
I have a very accepting family and an extremely loving boyfriend and
I only have one close friend now but she too accepts me.
The reason I’m ready to end my life is mainly because of religion.
I believe in God, but everyone tells me that God hates homosexuals.
That I’m an abomination.
I never chose this life.
I never chose to like other men.
No one would want this life, where you are constantly teased and judged.
Where you have to hide from the world.
So then I start to doubt the existence of God.
Which scares me because death scares me.
I want there to be an afterlife where I will see my family members who have passed.
I want to believe in God, but religion is filled with so much hypocrisy.
I know how this sounds.
Why would I want to suicide if I’m scared of death?
Well this is my thought.
If God isn’t real, then heaven and hell don’t exist.
So if I committed suicide, I would just cease to exist and I would no longer be depressed.
But if God is real, then I’m going to hell for being gay.
Going to hell for taking my own life.
It’s a lose lose situation and I’m sick of it.
I can’t eat without vomiting and I barely sleep because I panic all night.
I just want it all to end.
Praying never helps and I’m tired of hearing “pray and you’ll get answers.”
I get shit.
I even prayed to be straight.
I prayed God would take away my gay attractions, but it’s not going to happen.
I’m tired of life.
There’s no purpose to it.
We all die anyways.
What’s the point of meeting people?
So when they die, you can be depressed?
So when you fall in love and your partner dies, you’ll be devastated?
Oh what a wonderful life.
Bull shit.
I’m tired of this world.
If God is real, if Jesus is supposed to have a second coming, where is he?
Why is there so much suffering in the world? Why is there so much hate?
Why is homosexuality even a sin?
Love is love.
So a woman who loves a woman or a man who loves a man is the same a mass murderer?
A child rapist?
A molester?
This is fucking bullshit.
I can’t handle the hypocrisy that is religion and it pollutes the world.
I just want to end my life and stop thinking about it.
5 comments
if God exists then he loves everyone. he made every human for a special reason. God doesnt care if youre gay straight bi transexual or even in love with objects. God doesnt hate, people hate. no one knows how God thinks. if you believe in God then he loves you no matter what. God doesnt judge on who you choose to love.
i dont think its a sin to be gay, at least in my eyes, i do know that some of the things are peoples two sence, , they tell you to respect your parents, but what if they abuse you so badly you know youll never come out the same,i read a book one time and i forgot what it was called, but it explaned alot, but if you picture a line with a million people in a row, and the first person says something really long in the other persons ear and it keeps getting passed down, eventually words and phrases will start to change, just like the bible, untill god comes down here and speaks for himself, i dont tend to believe what comes out of peoples mouths,and there are lots of different religions so i believe society only puts what they think is right or what is wrong in our heads,just dont try to change yourself for nobody,i dont really have anyone either, i have one best friend that lives four hours away, but one day i got so sick of what people thought of me, i decided to look in the mirrior and say,the hell with people that have shit against, i matter to myself,alot of people only believe what they want to but for them to judge you or anyone els, or drive an inocent gil to kill herself, them people will suffer in the end,if she didnt get to finish her life, then live for her, and show these people you were made the way you were and if they have a problem with it they can go to hell,you shouldnt have to go through that
Oh wow.
“Wow” is all i can say.
“if she didnt get to finish her life, then live for her, and show these people you were made the way you were and if they have a problem with it they can go to hell,you shouldnt have to go through that”
That made me smile.
Thanks so much for that.
It gave me chills. 🙂
haha
Thanks guys for reading.
I do believe God made me this way and @noexception, what you say is true and i have heard that.
There’s this game called the telephone game.
You whisper a story in someone’s ear and they tell the next person and the next until you get to the last person in the line and see what the story is now.
I don’t even believe the bible 100%, i do think that there is a lot of truth in it, but i think some of it is false.
Majority of it really.
Like people who have sex before marriage.
Why is that wrong?
If God creates man, then God created that baby whom was born out of wedlock.
Right??
So how is that wrong?
hmmm.
If you want to believe in a god but you don’t like the god that Christians believe in, why not invent your own god?
That way, you can customise god so that it is exactly how you want it to be.
All gods are made up anyway, so you wouldn’t be doing anything that hasn’t been done before.
The Chrsitian view of the world, of god, is dualistic. The right, the wrong, good evil etc.
So you’re worried about the God who made you, the deity who’s meant to be all forgiving sends you away for an eternity of torture, – honey, you’re not going to be lonely. You, me, and a LOT of other people are going to be there too.
Homosexuality is older than christianity, and if the Christian God created us, I’m pretty sure if he didn’t like homosexuality, he wouldn’t have made you the way you are.
Now on the other hand, if nothing happens after to death, you just cease to exist, you won’t care because you won’t be able too. At least you’ll get a good nights sleep…
In the end, even if you don’t commit suicide, your going to die anyway and find out. This is envitable. So, i suggest, if you can, stop caring about what happens after death, because what happens is completely out of your hands. Just live, love, be loved – the best revenge is living a good life.
I think Christianity is a party pooper of a religion, and it doesn’t look like the right one for you. All the advice i can give you is explore different religions, for example paganism etc – if not, then it’s up to you. There will always be people that will try to bring you down – doesn’t matter if your gay, your short, because of your race, sex etc. You can not stop that. You just have to get over it, it’s a ***** but unfortunately that’s the way it is.