I am fully aware that I need help but there is nothing that helps. I have tried hospitialization, every type of therapy, had around 15 therapists, been on 20 different meds, tried meditation, talking. I’ve tried it all and nothing helped. I am not able to feel joy or love, I am always deeply depressed for 7 years. I cannot function around people and haven’t had contact with anybody except my family for 6 months. I get paranoid at night and can’t sleep. I have an unknown chronically painful stomach problem that even though I have had every medical test known to man twice, cannot find what is wrong. I have lost all faith in humanity. I still can’t relax ever or sleep decent. Its almost 1pm and I literally haven’t slept all night and that’s not very unusual for me. I never do anything or go anywhere. I have no goals or dreams. I am alone all day at the house from 8am until 7pm and I am getting closer and closer to suicide.