he actually left…

i did it. i pushed the last person that cared enough away. he promised me with his life that he wouldn’t give up on me. im sitting in our apartment with all of our things. everything reminds me of him. i feel stupid. i won’t go to bed until he comes back. im hoping to hear the buzzer, but its been hours and he hasnt come back. i wonder where he is at. i hate myself so much. i wish he would understand that im bipolar and that i didnt mean all that i said. we’ve been together for 4 years now. married 1. he is my rock. and i feel so weak and insecure without him here. im tensed up. alone. cold. shaking. scared. tearful. im also kinda paranoid. my cat is making alot of noise and i keep wondering if its him trying to break in, but then i realize that he wouldnt do that. he can just call or ring the buzzer. i cant wait to see him though i know that he seems different. he is fed up. i dont blame him, thats why i told him to go. and he did. </3