i’m always down

hi, i’m only new on this site and this is my first post, i am a teenager and i often feel depressed and i cut myself i planned out my suicide and the note i would leave for my family but i never actually decided to go ahead with it. i get really depressed and everything seems 2 bring me down even when i’m happy i’m down i hope some people can relate 2 this and understand it. its like when i cut myself i can release emotions and i know i sound crazy but i don’t know who to talk to i hide my marks from my parents and friends and i often wonder if anybody would care if i was gone. my best friend is depressed aswell and she told me but i havent told her how i feel because i’m trying 2 support her. i feel like i’m i a bubble most of the time and i’m cut off from the rest of the world i just want 2 stop these feeelings and get on my with my life and stop harming myself but i dont know how sometimes its the only escape. if theres anybody who could help me or relate to this ina nyway could you please let me know