Just a piece of my life

I know what its like to want to die; how it hurts to smile; how you try to fit in but you can’t; how you hurt yourself on the outside; to try to kill the thing that’s in the inside.. That one feeling when everything seems to be lost.. you’re breathing hard..with all this pressure hung onto your back. Like a ton of cement blocks covering you, holding you down. It’s like I realized that way down inside, I’ve always been lonely for something. But I don’t know what for. It’s like everybody in the world want’s something. Only they never really know exactly what it is – they just keep finding out what it’s not. You know how, when you turn off the TV or you come out of some concert, and everything just feels empty? Like you thought that would be what you wanted, and then it wasn’t?
Do you ever have those times you cry and you don’t know why.. and inside your head you’re yelling ‘let no one think I gave in!’ , until eventually you wipe your tears away, straighten your posture, practice your smile, and walk  away.

At the end of every day this is the one quote I recite right before I sleep-

Refuse to feel anything at all, refuse to slip, refuse to fall, can’t be weak, can’t stand still, watch your back because no one else will. 

That short little poem of a quote.. That’s my life… keep it in mind.