No where to go

It never ends… It’s always so damn constant, I try to hide it with laughter and jokes but it gnaws away at my core, it’s a gap a never ending void and regardless of the amount of drugs or alcohol I consume its there. I’m tired of it I want to live but not like this, envy am I of those who can live so happily. Fulfilling their duties as one rots away wishing for an unknown something. Regardless of how much I would like to rid humanity of my self, my childrens laughter lifts the burden if only for one more day. I wonder how much longer I can play it off how many more masks will I wear…. Im so… I just…. I hate this goddamn shit…