why

I try so hard..
But it’s never enough.
Nothing is ever enough. Not for him, not for her, for them, for me..
With each day that passes I feel like I am slipping away more and more. I just want to be happy.
You know it’s funny, I once got a fortune cookie and it told me
“If you want the rainbow, you must tolerate the rain.”
But now I can’t help but wonder. How long will it keep raining, you know?
1.. 2.. 3.. 4.. 5.. 6.. 7 gone.
Suicides, murders, overdose, AIDS.
It’s not fair, why them?
Then dad was never there to protect me from those silly boy, with their lying cheating promises.
But I should have known better. I should have been able to protect myself.
Rape, abuse. A boyfriend shouldn’t do that to you.
No one should do that to you.
But like he said. I deserved it.
Like he said… I am worthless.
Now I just whore around, having sex with whoever.
I will never be loved, so this is the closest I will get…
Lucy. Molly. Mary Jane.
My only friends I can rely on.
And in case you didn’t know, that’s:
Acid. Extacy. Marijuana.
How pathetic am I? Extremely.
I don’t understand why I do this to my self.
I don’t understand why I keep on living…
For tomorrow? The future?
I feel as though I don’t have one.
I am sorry for whining or complaining.
I just don’t know why..
I can’t find a reason anymore..