I felt numb yesterday. Now, I feel shitty, tired, and more useless than ever. I’m going to join the army, get shot or blown up and then that’s it. How will I get through high school though…Â
Sadness creeps into me, cold chills and sweat cover my body. I feel lonely, Jasmine. I love her so much, I don’t want to live without her. People said I have the symptoms of OCD. Possibly, but still, these feelings are as real as a blade cutting into me. (I ain’t a cutter)Â
 I wish she would tell me she wants to take back breaking up with me. She said she loves me, but doesn’t feel right with incest. Marriage with her seems right. Even though I’m 17, she’s 16 and I would have waited for her.Â
I checked if 1st cousin marriage is legal, and found it is in California. If it’s allowed, then why is it wrong. I’m pretty sure everyone is connected to each other at some point. That’s why there’s only a 3% increase of children having deformity and mental conditions if it’s incest.
Why is love so hard to get. First I fall for Nycolle, with my inexperienced mind, I wrote messages to her that I was in love. She’s considered popular, I guess, and now I realize i never had a chance.
Now i fall for my cousin, and she pushes me away. She said she loves me back, she just can’t do it. Now I’m just another of her exes…Â
It hurts, my mood keeps getting worse, I was hoping to kiss her for the first time next time I would see her. I miss her embrace, I feel cold.Â
Finals are this week and mentally I’m distant. My thoughts are unorganized, so my dreams, memories, and thoughts are mixed up and complicated.Â
I just want to text her. She won’t text back. I feel horrible that this happens. I’m hoping to go paintballing Saturday, hopefully get my mind off Jasmine. That seems impossible right now…Â
2 comments
Trust me on this one…. never get married bro. I don’t care if it’s Megan Fox, your sister, the girl next door. It isn’t worth it. With time you should be able to get over this lass. Just try to enjoy being your own man for now. You’re young. You have plenty of time to make that decision.
Yeah, but love was what kept me going on. Now all I have to wait for is the day I get sent somewhere to war and hopefully die by another man’s hand. That’s what I’m waiting for. These feelings are real and I’ve felt them before. I feel loneliness, I’ve only had w girlfriends thus far and it has caused me great distress not experiencing it.
I’m not saying that as soon as shit bad happens to me, I suddenly want to kill myself, but being with Jasmine gave me a positive outlook on life. Now my pessimistic views are flooding back into me.