I feel the same way. I am 53 soon to be 54. Gay. Out of a relationship of 14 years for 18 months now. MY mom and best friend died this year. The guy I started dating that helped me solidify the fact that my ex did not love me, promised me love and we found it wouldn’t work. I still love him though. I try, I am not lonesome, I can entertain myself, but I am coming to be truly alone.
My ex is in the house and I support the mortgage to keep our 10 year old in as normal an environment as I could. I have him 1/2 time, my ex half time. We adopted him when he was 18 months old.
I love him, but he;s all I am living for and the pain is so great… my psychiatrist I’ve known for 20 years says he thinks I am doing the best I can. Given these and many other major life events that I won’t try and list all of here.
I just can;t stand it.
Now for the hard part. Hurting others.
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Hi DNS, sorry to hear about your loss. i’m almost half your age but i’ve lived a life full of horrificness that i wouldn’t wish upon anybody. You should be strong tho for your child as they will need you to be there for them. I know life sux it truly does. I wonder why we are here and punished all the time. i’ve yet to understand. i never will. i’ved tried to end it painlessly time after time and yet to be successful. i’m still here stuck on this planet made to suffer through it all over and over. day after day. As for hurting people, i dont belive there is a way to leave without hurting the ones you love but at they same time they should understand why even know they all dont. they look at it as being selfish but they dont have to live with it day after day. an old guy told me when i was a kid that “you dont understand how they are becuase you are not like them”. it’s so true. that why we are all on the site to help each other and nobody else is here because they dont understand. all i can say is think positive, be strong and hold your head high. if you need to chat FB me. same name as here. take care
LB