Not again

Hm well I haven’t really felt any better since the last rant.
I’ve finally finished it with my long term on and off boyfriend of 4 years, I don’t feel bad about it at all, i am not in love with him anymore, but I do still love and care about him, he doesn’t seem to understand how you can feel that. He also can’t stand hearing about my “life” with other people.
Is it bad to have slept with more people than your actual age?
I don’t regret any of the things I’ve done ever! I did regret not doing drugs, but ha i think I’m hooked on ectasy now, since late may I’ve only has two weekends free of it, that’s bad isn’t it.
I plan on not going out for the next 3 weeks seeing how I get my license on July 3rd, oh and I also lost my ID, bank card and my mothers bank card.. The strange thing is, I lost it in my friends bed room, he thinks I left it in the cab, but I remember having it while I was using his bathroom Sunday morning?
Something strange was with that.
Uhhh and the other problem is, we had sex and before we went back to his he brough condoms from the servo, but he refused to use them once he got me in bed… So lucky me.
Then in the morning he was being a smart ass like most of the boys are in this crappy bogan town are and picked up some stockings and asked me if I wanted them, like what the hell.
Thennn I discovered he now sells pills.. So now I’ve got them on tap.
I’m pretty lonely, I feel like I annoy everyone and they’re constant rumors going on about me again.
Every now and then I get that cold numb feeling in my chest, and I just think I should end it all so no one would have to bother with me,
I’m nearly 20 and I haven’t done anything with my life. I don’t know if I will either, I’m just so different to this real world reality still.