Everyday thoughts of taking my life are becoming more of a reality to me. I worry tho about my sweet daughter jenni who is the happiest little ray of sunshine I have been blessed with. She’s 22 years old now, lives with her boyfriend and just lives life. My 20 year old son is so lost in this world trying to find his way. He doesn’t really need me because he’s he’ll bent to do every thing his way. He’s a good kid tho. My youngest daughter is 18. She just graduated from hs and thinks she knows everything. We used to be close, but tonight after a huge fight she moved out. It was bad . She is spoiled and rude and doesn’t care if I live or die as long as I let her have her car. I love them all so much and I don’t want to hurt them, but I really need to go. I have a boyfriend of 15 years who lives the shit out of me, but I can never give back…..he doesn’t deserve this. My family is nuts….I’m crazy. No one would know it, but I am not right in the head. I want to plan my death so that I have time to tie up lose ends. I want to get everything in order. I want to go painlessly and quietly. Thinking of going to this creek my ex husband and I used to go to when we were young. Hooking up a hose to the exhaust and duct taping it in the window. Then I’ll just go to sleep. My family won’t find me…..just some stranger who won’t care except for the fact that they will have a good story to tell of how they found some lady dead in her car……haha
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Its not worth it. Your children love you more than u kno. They need you and so does ur bf. I promise they do. It would throw them all into severe depression too… Do you want them to go thru wat u do? Your kids are just at that age… Let them grow up a lil more, they will come back thanking u for raising them good… I promise… I did my parents. please watch this video. Ppl really do care… I care, your family cares, your friends care. Last thing im gonna say is it will leave your bf that helped you raise you kids lonely and trust me lonliness is one of the worse feelings.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pr-Rj59XSlA&feature=youtube_gdata_player
I feel this too. Unloved, unappreciated, unimportant.
Surely, we should have the right to choose how long we stay here for. Life is just a game, If we play a game, say Monopoly, and we no longer enjoy the game, we put it all back in the box right?
I hope that one day, you either start to enjoy the game or find a way to put those pieces back in the box.
Myself, I pray every day for the courage to give up on this shitty game!
It’s 5am. Couldn’t sleep. I wake up crying. So much for a new day. Can’t get my youngest child off my mind. I believe she hates me. I know she was out partying all night. I wonder what’s going to happen to her when I’m gone. She doesn’t listen to me now. So my being dead isn’t really gonna matter anyway.
I’m wondering why people think suicide is so bad. I mean when the pain is so bad and there seems to be no where to turn…no light at the end of the tunnel. No way to feel better. When every aspect of your life is overwhelming. When you love so much and it hurts too much to love. Maybe suicide is meant for me. It’s my way out. Why would I or anyone else have to go thru an entire lifetime feeling like this. It’s like being alive is a terminal illness….so why not end it. I can’t imagine another five, ten, twenty or thirty years here…..it would be torture. I don’t belong here. I’m not needed here. Maybe there’s something better in that place after death. I’m too much of a screw up to be here anyway.
You describe a state of mind so similar to mine. I could have wrote the above comment myself!
Not sleeping at nights, even though sleep is my only escape from the torture of this life. Feeling unappreciated by my teenage son, unloved by anyone, no friends or family to turn to. Husband tells me to just forget about it and get on with it – I wish it was that simple!
The worst thing is that feeling this way every day makes me a less likeable person every day, a vicious circle, seeing as feeling that no-one likes me let alone loves me is what starts these feelings.
Every night as I lay in bed trying to sleep, I pray that when I do I will stay there and not wake up again.
Im 46 years old in the last month been diagnosed with cancer a week after that my mother was taken too hospital and two weeks later shes dead, died in same hospital that gave me my shit news, they operated on me(tonsils out, tongue biopsy etc) two days after she died to find out where cancer started, now told treatment (more ops + chemo & radiotherapy) complicated could be left with nerve problems lack of movement in shoulders lack of taste dropped mouth on one side, told all teeth will have to be removed,
All my life never smoked only occasional drinker go the gym 4-5 times a week, now all this has happened i give up i really dont want to be in this world anymore wish someone could help me find a painless way to leave it, ive ordered the book final exit.