Unlikely victim

When someone thinks about a suicidal person they think of a person who walks around sad and depressed all the time… This wasn’t me. I was the loud, confident one. The essentail “life of the party” type kid. I was a people magnet people liked to be around me… But if they knew the daily war i had with myself i wonder if things would be different… I’ve had suicide in the back of my head for a while but if you saw me in public you’d swear it was the furthest thing in my head. I found it easier to play the role of a happy go lucky person than to truly face my demons and portray the negativity inside me. Partly, i didn’t think it was fair to inflict my pain on anyone else… I thought of it as my personal hell to go thru alone… I’m still in that hell and i wish it would go away… My life goes great for a while but slowly things begin to crumble and cascade and the thOught once again creeps in and takes over… When will my hell be over? Or am i cursed with this burden forever until i perform the final act and end the show myself… Just some thoughts..