Why the troubles

Women seem not to like me. Middle school all the way to now they have tormented me. They make fun of the way I walk, the way I look and the way I socialize with others. Now I have been raised around women. My mom and 2 of my 3 sisters were in my life and from them I have learned alot. I respect women and I open doors for all of them. I ask them how they are doing and how they are feeling. No matter how nice I am I never get anything but tormenting in return. There is a girl that makes me so mad now. She is a heartless ***** to everyone and she is really the only girl I have actually considered choking out. Her and her friends make fun of autistic people, not knowing that I am autistic and even if they did know they wouldn’t care. Now all my friends were girls but now they are either gone or more like acquiescents and it makes me so made the way even they treat me. I am desperate to have friends so I assume that is the only reason I talk to them.  Women seem to like to be abused. They like being called *****, ho, slut, etc. A nice guy is just not what girls want. I am actually growing to dislike women but in the same sense I hope one will like me.  As I see everything come together and my hate festers up I am only scared for what I might do.  I have given up almost all hope of finding a girlfriend with the only thing keeping me grounded into the hope is my day dreams.  With the pain growing inside of me from everyone’s not just women actions and words I sometimes contemplate if death would really be that painful compared to this  torture .