Voices..
I hear them, talking, bitching, jeering.. They are trying to make me do some bad shit.. Kill her..she deserves to die.. No she hasn’t done anything… Yet. They make me cut.. Deeper, deeper.. Let it rain you coward.. I cannot complain of being alone.. I’m never alone.. They don’t let me be alone.. Ever. Your ugly, your fat, you emo, you *****, your worthless, not good enough.. You will never be up to your mothers..”Standard”… So you cut, cut the pain away, watch it bleed out of you…
Darkness..
I can feel them.. All of them.. Their thoughts.. Their voices whisper in my ears.. I hear their prayers and their pain passes through my body like a million electric volts.. I know their crimes.. I have lived those crimes…
Do it, do it, do it..
There’s blood under my fingernails.. Dried on my clothing, matted in my hair, stained on my shoes.. Its seeped through my sick, mixed with my own DNA and I’ve absorbed all of its power.. I’m pretty sure its not mine..
Black out..
Life is a blur.. I go in and out of time.. The grey light takes over my body, eats my mind and leaes me with the voices.. I hear them.. They curl up inside my frontal lobe and force all the warmth from my body.. Existence.. Am I existing? Eventually they will come to all of us.. The chaos they’ve created will transform to a new world order.. Death will be a dream…
Fragility..
We forget how truly fragile we are.. Skin.. We do so much to it.. Burn it.. Cut it.. Tattoo it.. Rub chemicals into its surface.. Sometimes we scrape it, pierce it, poke holes through its softness.. Skin holds us together… It keeps the blood inside.. Without it, we die..I’m not proud of the things I’ve done.. Or the things I know I will do in the future..
If you heard all about my childhood, you’d refuse to lay the blame on my side.. You’d say I was a victim.. Not guilty.. But the voices know better.. They still saw fit to judge me.. To claim my soul..
I want to stop.. I want someone to help me..
Help me….. Before I kill her..
There are no winners in this game.. But there is tomorrow.
2 comments
I am sorry you struggle witht hese two forces, I can see your pain in your writing and I do cry for you. All I can do is hope that you find a way to rid the negative voices in your head and have piece. Don’t let them win.
Thank you for your kind words.