My useless life started 22 years ago, an only lonely girl never been hugged or kissed simply because where I live there’s an imaginary sadistic pervert god who tells people to never show love and flog, torture, behead, hate sinners who does this, no I’m not kidding or writing a script for a “Saw” movie sadly they can legally cut off their hands feet and stone them to death! also to be wrapped in clothes from head to toes even-though it’s 1000000 degrees outside.. I can go on forever but I think you got the idea. I’m not the fancy type all I ever wanted […]
July 2012
“Living souls around me
They don’t see
Just staring, closed faces
Fake a smile
Shaking hands, shake their heads
But they don’t speak
Only demanding the right numbers
Of me, breaking into pieces
I’m breaking into pieces”
Singer Liv Kristine sums up how I live my daily life in her song “Fake A Smile.” I am an army wife and currently unemployed due to our most recent move and the ever-failing job market. However, I manage to stay busy, volunteering in my church community. And, I do honestly feel a deep devotion to my Catholic faith. Knowing these things about me will make […]
She saved me from her own world
Back Again. The time every night when I realize I cant do this. I’ve actually pissed off my only friend because I havent slept in 24 hours. Energy Drinks that are making me sick, all because I dont want to sleep..or dream. I’d rather stay awake for the rest of my life than dream about what couldve been..what should have been. I’m going to be alone forever…panic attack…burn through adrenaline..get super tired. Energy Drinks. I cant even put a functional sentence together. Pathetic.
I told myself a year ago after I survived my suicide attempt that if things don’t get any better I’m going to do it again. Had I actually done it properly before I would’ve died guaranteed, but committing suicide the way that I did before isn’t something I can do again. It was painful and made me panic. There are tons of ways I can off myself but some of those are the most painful and hardest ways, I wish I was stronger then that. There’s only one way that I’ve found that seems painless from what I read and has one of the highest […]
When I was 15 years old I was burned in a car fire. 3rd and 4th degrees; my entire face, arms and leg…roughly 33% of my body. I was in the hospital approximately 2 months and in physical therapy 3 years.   I had screen-grafting done on both my arms; due to complications during surgery, my face was left to heal on its own. Things did not seem so bad at first. Doctors assured that I would heal completely and live a normal life. I looked at myself in the mirror and with my family by my side thought, “I’m a fighter, I will get better”. […]
Its getting so hard to keep going, I keep on fighting, covering my tracks, hiding, but it is getting so  hard. I am losing my best friend as I am leaving town, and now I just cant figure out what to do. She talks with me every so often, which makes everything worth while, even if its just for however long I get to talk with her,but I always feel guilty for taking up her time which she could use to talk with her bf or do other work, especially since she is so perfect, and because she said if they broke up she would […]
I really never imagined feeling like this. It was a classic case of “this won’t ever happen to me.” My mom died, fucking cancer. Yesterday makes it 8 months ago. It feels like yesterday and forever all in one. I keep trying to believe people when they say it will get easier. I really want it to be true, but so far it is just getting harder and harder. I’m 24 now. I have a good job and things in my life are going decently, but i just don’t care. I am tired of waking up. I just want it to be over. I want […]
Before when i joined this site a little while ago (cant remember when) people would hardly if never comment on people thingy ma giggers… But now people r really nice… People r giving out E-Mails so if zed/a person needs somethin they  can E-Mail to talk its nice to know their r some nice people on this site!!!!
I haven’t been up here for a couple of months, well actually just one month. I Graduated last month. Im so much happier now that im done with school, I hated myself, for so many reason. Because i thought i was ugly, I talked down on myself everyday, I was sooo depressed. But ever since i graduated, i’ve been so much happier. Have I ever had my first kiss? No. My First boyfriend? No. I think that was the main problems for my depression. I hated going to school. But now, im happier than ever. I feel so much confidence in myself, I start college […]
I cant take it anymore i just want to kill myself , i’ve tried to change but NO ONE ever listens to me . I feel that they dont care what i think . I’m done . I feel so useless . Cant do anything right . I feel like NO ONE needs me . I actually feel like i dont belong here . Im never gonna be happy . I feel that hole in my heart . I feel that my mom and dad dont need me . And you wanna know the sad part ? Im 12 years old . I cut myself […]
I love my brother to pieces I’m not close to my mom I don’t know my father very well. I broke up with my boyfriend of two years. He’s moved on. I want to kill myself but am too much of a coward to do it. I feel so alone.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. Sometimes, I feel absolutely broken and don’t even want to live anymore. But other times, I actually feel happy. But even when I’m happy I feel tired of being here.
Today, I thought about taking my life because I’m so sick of living and couldn’t see the point.
I’m living for my girlfriend, just 5 more years and we can move in together and maybe 1 more year until we get promise rings<3 That's the only reason I'm still here. I'm so convinced no one really loves me and they're all lying to me. They probably are. In […]
If anyone needs me, I am 100% here.
You can always depend on me to be there for you.
Email me at GiaBrownrocks@gmail.com or Itsokayimherenow@gmail.com whichever you prefer<3
i have a friend who lives in canada and im in england, i dont know why but when im talking to him or reading his emails my mind feels a little less helish, i wish he was here to give me a hug and to hang out with, but its not going to happen anytime soon, i dont know wheather its worse to never have met him or for it to be i met him but hes not a shoulder to cry on.
panic attacks and rage moments caused by my brother today. It’s killing me not to cut. It’s not even for my mom anymore, I’m scared to be sent to a hospital. I’m so fuckin lonely. God I just want a shoulder to cry on.. A real one. I don’t even care if it’s a stranger… I need a hug… from anyone, just a caring hug… I have no one
From personal experience I’ve realized that finding that one thing to hold onto can make a huge impact in your life. That one thing can change your whole world and suddenly the urge to kill yourself slowly decreases. Now I’m not saying that it will go away completely, but it will no longer cloud your mind with negative thoughts. Sometimes all it takes is for the one person to walk into your life and make it worth living or sometimes it just takes realization to see that the world isn’t so bad and there are so many opportunities just waiting for you. It’s amazing to think that […]
I can really say i hurt myself more than before. For letting go of such an amzing person. He was everything. I was trully stupid for not appreciating him completely,he tried so hard, and i still let him fall…i can’t seem to find reasons in my head to understand why i’d let him go. Its hard just thinking a life without his touch..his words..his everything. It seems so imposible. But there’s not much i can do if we both decided its time. Time to let go of eachother. He got tired of waiting..we had the week to think but i guess it was too much […]
There are people who care.
We won’t judge or stare.
There are people who understand.
So stand tall, and take their hand.
We’ll help you through this.
There’s Me & Orangish
We’ll be a friend.
So will AtTheEnd.
Just look around you…
Suicide is something you don’t have to do…
So Stay Strong
And Carry On <3