I’m at a crossroads

I know the feeling. I get that asking for help is an extreamely hard thing to do. No one wants to admit they need it but alot of people want it.
I get it you are conflicted inside. You want things to change but don’t know how to change them. I don’t really know how to help you change them either. I’m sorry for that. sometimes I wish i had all the answers. I guess the truth is no one ever really does.
Maybe just try to sit down and talk to your parents and tell them that you just need their help sometimes. Let them know your still their child but not their baby. You want to handle things on your own you just want guidance and support.Your parents will be proud that you were responsible enough to try and have that conversation.
I don’t really know what to tell you about feeling far away when you’re with your friends you’d have to explain the situation more. Loving yourself really does take time. You have to analyze those things you hate about yourself but then you have to accept them and find the parts of those things that are acctually pretty beautiful. Always remind yourself of those things you love about yourself. or even those things you think are normal and plain and tell yourself you wear them well and show em off. Your body and personality should be cherished. They are 100% yours.
And voices aren’t always so bad. But just know they can’t be speaking all the time sometimes you just need to let other people in. it sounds like they are ther just take notice of them this time around.
Do you really want to die and live at the same time? Maybe you want to die because you can’t see how you can possibly live any longer but you acctually really like life. Life’s a rollercoaster and some of us really enjoy the ride. I hope you learn to accept yourself and find the full will to enjoy the next part of the ride. 🙂