my own private hell

I’m so fuckin sick and tired of doing this. Day in day out I just float through my day, half awake half asleep, just waiting to die. Every morning I wake up dissapointed to find I’m still breathing, just the thought of getting out of my bed and looking in thr mirror scares the shit out of me. I am a coward . If I wasn’t then I would have finished the job quite some time ago instead of just lingering aimlessly through a pointless existence. I don’t want tp be here anymore, I have grown so bitter and angry with this world. I’m nothing but a shadow of the person I used to be.
I am now 22 years old and I have been an addict half of my life now .I have completely fucked up any opportunitys that I had goin for me. Iv been addicted to pain meds benzos alcohol and weed , but i have dabbled in practicly everything, anything to escape reality even if only for a short while. Reality to me at least is way over rated, one giant fuckin dissapointment. I just hot back from another rehab stint I went about three thousand miles away this time. Stayed there about 5 weeks and within three days of my return I was using again…. I’m stuck in this hole and I don’t think i can find my way out.