I have the worst fucking headache ever. 🙁
Today during first lesson, I got this amazing feeling. Y’know, That feeling of ‘everything is going to be okay’? Well, it’s gone now. It’s been replaced with hopeless despair and the slight sickening thoughts of ‘This could all be over’ are slowly creeping into my mind and taking over. I’m afraid of being alone.. I’m really afraid. I don’t want to be alone…
I really want to have something new to say, But I don’t. I have nothing. Same old shit about this broken toy that you’ve all read before.
My OCD is getting worse, A fuck load worse. And it’s driving me crazy. Also the voices.. No longer one anymore. Lots. All whispering and even shouting things at me. Demanding that I do this or that.. And this is going to happen and I can’t fucking stop it. Don’t tell me to get help, I’m trying. Only to get my name on a 3 month waiting list… So basically, I’m a tiny spec of sand on a vast beach of depressed teenagers.
On a brighter note, I has a kitteh. :3 Bringing it home a week on Monday….
I can’t stop this. I’ve thought about various methods to help myself… Ignore it, Embrace it, Run away from it, Check into the loony bin so they can give you a straight jacket and drugs… Or just simply Kill yourself.
I don’t want to do this anymore.
3 comments
Well, at least you have your kitteh to brighten your days. What will you name it?
If you are hearing voices, don’t listen to them. Realize that this is something that is happening with your brain chemistry and those voices are not real, nor are the things they are saying.
Stay on that waiting list. You are going to have a kitteh that is going to be depending on you for everything. Don’t let the little guy down.
If things get unbearable, go to the emergency room and tell them you are having suicidal thoughts. There’s not going to be any straitjackets unless you are uncontrollably violent. Psychiatric drugs will HELP you, I don’t know why people are so afraid to be on anti-depressants or whatever they need to help them.
Kitten name- Phoenix. And i really dont want to do anything… But i know im going to lose control of myself on thursday due to the nature of what that day involves. :/ im going to talk to my dad.. See what he thinks i should do.