Exhausted.

I’ve been clinically depressed since I was 12 years old (I am now 18). For the life of me, I cannot remember a time when I was happy, a time that I was in the slightest bit content with my body. My parents put me into an eating disorder treatment center for about 3 months, and I ended the program thinking that maybe I could finally be okay. Things were…alright for about 2 months until just now. The guy I love came back after 15 months from a rehab center halfway across the country. We have never been in a relationship, but we were best friends before he left. I could talk to him about anything and everything and I knew he wouldn’t judge me like other people might. Now he’s back and our relationship is so different. Some days he texts me first and we talk all day until one of us falls asleep that night. Other days I text him and he doesn’t ever answer. Then when he eventually texts me, it’s like nothing happened, like he didn’t ignore me at all. He know about everything; about my depression, self-harming, and my eating disorder. He is the only guy I have ever cried over. He was the only person I could talk to. And I love him. But he doesn’t love me back. When I think about him now I get this weird ache in my chest, like there’s a gaping hole there that he used to fill.